There are some urges that must be suppressed. You must not pull the bulbous nose of a companion, just to test your theory that it will make a honking noise. You must not attempt to play the bongoes on the head of a balding elderly colleague, no matter how much you may desire to. You must not pull the pigtails of your school companion, nor press the belly button of a person wearing a too-short-shirt, nor surreptitiously drop a cupcake down the bell of a tuba as the player honks his way through another tune: these things are simply not done.
Yesterday, I was sitting in the cafe at lunch when a woman wearing the highest high-heeled shoes I have ever seen tottered through the door, balancing herself against the breeze. I instantly suppressed the urge to go over and give her a tap on the shoulder as a way of verifying my hypothesis that she would wobble and collapse to the floor. For I know that these urges must be suppressed, for the good of civilisation.
But O, how I wanted to ...
UPDATE! - If Paris Hilton falls in a forest, and there's no-one else around to hear it except Nikki Hilton, does she really make a sound?
rule number three, you should never, even though you want to, kick someone who has a huge ass, in the bum when they are bending over in front of you....even though it has a target painted on it and even though your foot has an arse seeking missle attached to the toe.
ReplyDeleteYou just shouldnt do it...
these are the trials i face everyday in my job in an office full of some morbidly obese people.
Do you think it might have been the real life Barbie?
ReplyDeleteA bit too brunette for Barbie, Kate.
ReplyDeleteRas - maybe a few surreptitiously-placed drawing pins could do the trick?