Will Type For Food

Washing lines I decided to put the washing off But I put the putting off off:  So I'm putting it up. It's offputting.  (Insert here ...

 I was in Seymour yesterday and all the locals were snickering at my hat. Which I suppose is an important thing about hats. If people can’t ...

  Write Philip Larkin's name in the style of Agatha Christie.  Write a poem about everything in invisible ink.  Write Philip Larkin’s na...

 Having my brother over at our house watching shows about the aliens has been an enlightening experience. I'm so enlightened now. Let me...

We clean our house, but not too much, So that when guests come guesting They think, our house is cleaner. As for the tasty ugly pastries, Th...

A frisky Christmas poem Twas the night before Christmas. Dad and Mum both felt frisky,  But the children were on high alert for the sleigh, ...

A Christmas Message We are now approaching once again Christmas. Christmas is that happy year of time when puddings gather around families f...

If modernity is the tireless battle against boredom, then chess is the unceasing battle against excitement. There's a chess world champi...

I pity the fool Who don't wear no jewel. UPDATE! -  You da man, be a king,  Put some bling on that thing.   

 Apparently haiku have to be about nature to be properly considered haiku. What about natural numbers? I’m pretty sure they count. Yeah - th...

 'Please refrain' is a refrain that only those in certain professions are pleased to use. 'Please refrain from talking with your...

 Hello. Here is a poem about bottoms.  BOTTOMS O I like to have a bottom;  A bottom’s not a flop;  For a bottom always stands up   For what’...

"I like it when people get excited about numbers." - Crazy Elf Let’s get excited about numbers. Let’s get excited about numbers, a...

 Since you haven't asked, let me tell you anyway. Let me tell you all about what I've been thinking. I've been thinking about sh...

 Now I don't want to make you all jealous, but today I made some bread. Or, to put it in a more technically accurate way, today I measur...

 A poem that is very romance Roses are red Violets are blue Chocolate is brown And also poo I think we had better Not mix up the two Roses a...

 Have some drama, you uncultured swine!  THE INTROVERTS: a riveting one second drama   SCENE: INTROVERT 1 bumps into INTROVERT 2 on the stre...

  Russian composer Alexander Scriabin was something else. Look at this description of his planned work, 'Mysterium': "Mysteriu...

In case you haven't been paying attention (and I certainly haven't), did you read about stand-up comedian Arj Barker kicking out a m...

Found sound poem  This is a found poem,  It's very profound.  This is a sound poem:  It's very pro-sound.  If you've found a sou...

Get in early: sign a prenuptial disagreement before marriage so you don't have to worry about it after.  Arrange for a divorce to be hel...

There’s not much that’s new about Christmas; There’s plenty of not new to tell: But I’m growing quite fond of old things -  I’m growing quit...

A Christmas Poem in Seven Ers Er… Twas the night before morning And all through the place Was the presence of regular  Geometrical space. Er...

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For no reason at all, a poem.    The colours and shapes decided They needed to sort out what’s what –  If the blue could beat green in a bl...

I never read a book before reviewing it; it prejudices a man so. - Sydney Smith.   News comes in  via the Grauniad  that critics and author ...

Someone rang our phone the other day. What kind of a monster does that? Rings you - when you are at home, expecting - what? Some kind of ans...

  I say that it’s diplodocus  And you say diplodocus  O how the fates do mock us  With this verbal hocus pocus  So whether it’s diplodocus  ...

THE POEM Today your child is a mess  Tomorrow I expect to all intents and purposes that they will be a pile of cess Happy Mother’s Day I gue...

I call this poem CAR PEOPLE because I am and it isn't.  Though beholden to a Holden, I am fonder of a Honda, Make Elantra be my mantra...