Nerdarama

I've been watching Australia's brainiest kid. Oh, shut up. It's a work of genius, I tell you. GENIUS! By the time I tuned in last night, all the dumbos from Wallarang Primary school, or wherever, had been culled away. It was the last twenty minutes, time for the final Geek Off.

In this Geek Off, three kids were asked five questions each. They each had to choose a particular category for their questions, and they were then shown where these questions were in a grid. They then had to remember where these questions were, then they were asked the questions in succession. Sounds complicated? Yeah, now I know why you didn't do so good at maths.

The first kid is this tall Indian lad called Mithra Somethingorotherathon. He chooses the topic Nelson Mandela.

NERD!

Apparently, he's interested in Nelson because he's experienced racism, or stuff. Sure thing Mithra. I'll let you get back to your Gameboy now.

The second is some kid called Ashkaa Whatchamicallit. Her topic is The Brain.

GEEK!

I mean - Jeez, could you get any geekier if you tried?

The third is Pernina Su. She's small and tends to stumble over her questions. She chooses the topic Mao Tse Tung.

WHAT?

I'm shocked. I shout at the television, but - I think I'm beginning to like this kid. Instead of choosing a geeky subject, she's chosen to talk about one of the most bloodthirsty dictators of the twentieth century.

At one point, Mithra gets asked the question, "What was the nickname of Nelson Mandela's long-time wife, beginning with W?" Mithra pauses for what seems like FIVE FREAKING MINUTES before saying,
"Uh ... Winnie?"
This, of course, is cue for me to shout at the television, "Of course it is, you stupid kid! Don't you know anything? CHRIST!"

Aashka gets a toughie: "Of the brains four lobes, what is the first, in alphabetical order?" I don't know this one. You probably don't know this one. Aashka obviously didn't know this one, either. She starts to sweat and the thinking music plays and we all start to pull at our collars. Then Aashka says,
"P-parietal!"
W-R-O-N-G! LOSER! You LOSE! The correct answer is "frontal". Did she spend the entire minute thinking over the spelling of parietal?

Pernina Su slays the opposition. She correctly names The Great Leap Forward and the Cultural Revolution. She stumbles over Mao's date of birth (1989? that poses some interesting problems for the historians of communism) and gets the date of the Chinese revolution mixed up. But by the end, she's the winner - and I'm on the edge of my seat, whooping it up. PERNINA SU - YOU ROCK!

I'll be tuning into the final for sure. But on a side note, what's with Sandra Sully hosting it? Anna Coren, last years host, was way better, and makes me want to .... hug her. Lots.

UPDATE! Now this is a competition I'd like to see:

SULLY:
Pernina Su, Australia's brainiest kid - today you face your greatest challenge of all. You are going to have to match your wits with a two-time winner of Sale of the Century!

PERNINA SU:
Bring 'em on, Sully.

(Fat champ off Sale of the Century waddles in)

SALE OF THE CENTURY CHAMP:
You watch out, Australia's brainiest kid - I'm goin' to kick your arse!

PERNINA SU:
You wish, flubberface.

SULLY:
First question: how can you get cooties?

SALE OF THE CENTURY CHAMP:
Bzzz! I know! I know!

SULLY:
Yes?

SALE OF THE CENTURY CHAMP:
I ... um ... just give me a second while I ... can I phone a fri... ?

PERNINA SU:
Bzzz! I know!

SULLY:
Yes?

PERNINA SU:
By stepping on the cracks in the pavement!

SULLY:
CORRECT! Second question: complete this song -

Jingle bells, Batman smells,
Robin

PERNINA SU:
... flew away,
Lost his pants while over France,
And found them in Bombay.

SALE OF THE CENTURY CHAMP:
Hey! I knew that one!

PERNINA SU:
HA! In your FACE, Fart Breath!

SULLY:
Okay, next question - and if you answer this one right, Australia's brainiest kid, you'll get into double figures and win the game!

PERNINA SU:
I ain't scared, Sully.

SALE OF THE CENTURY CHAMP:
*Sweats*

SULLY:
How do you do a nipple cripple?

PERNINA SU:
Bzzz! Like this! (Leaps from buzzer, on top of fat Sale of the Century champ and executes the perfect nipple cripple)

SALE OF THE CENTURY CHAMP:
Aaaaaaargh! Have mercy! MERCY!

SULLY:
Australia's brainiest kid, YOU WIN!!!!

(Exit fat Sale of the Century champ in tears, helped off by Pernina Su)

THE END