Allusions of Grandeur

AN OPEN LETTER TO SHAUN MICALLEF

Mr Micallef,

Many happy obsequies for the day (whatever day that is)! I hope and distrust that you will be celebrating it with all due sanctimonial, not to mention obloquy!

But allow me to reduce myself. I have long been an admirer of you, much longer than I have been aware of your mere existence. Furthermore, it is my latest wish that my sincere toadihood continues, long after I forget everything you ever knew about yourself!

You, sir, are extraordinary. There is not a single thing about you that is unforgettable, especially to one so skilled in forgetting the details of the inglorious as myself. Why, your presence of mind is indefatigable, and the magnanimity of your rectitude has to be felt rather than relieved!
If I may avail myself of you benevolence for so short a period of my time, I wish to make you unwary of a little offer you have to make me. In due course, I will be forwarding on my details (qualmish as they are) to one of your mid-to-upper-level unctionaries. You will then, in your unassuming manner, be able to enclose, in a stamped, unredressed envelope, as great an amount of your fame as I should wish for: the more glory, the better (for me!)

It really is most *most* kind of you to exist in such a charitably well-known manner. I know you will not appoint me.

In conclusion, sir, and also to end, I will resay again that you are wondrous, nay, positively ambidextrous, a true marvel of nature, a mature navel! Certainly your grandeur will condescend to grant an overfund of hauteur to myself.

THREE SNEERS FOR YOU, SIR!

I remain, sir,
Yours, as ever,
Most regretfully, gracefully, and sincerely,
Tim, & co., & co., & co., Train
http://willtypeforfood.blogspot.com

PS
I neither endorse nor agree with the entire content of this letter, including this last sentence.