O, I want to get pissed with Henry Fielding,
I want to get pissed with Henry Fielding,
I want to get pissed with Henry Fielding
All the live-long day.
I want to talk dogs with Jimmy Thurber,
I want to talk dogs with Jimmy Thurber,
I want to talk dogs with Jimmy Thurber,
All the live-long day.
I want to have vermouth with S J Perelman,
Yeah, I want to have vermouth with S J Perelman,
O, I want to have vermouth with S J Perelman,
All the live-long day.
I want to swap jokes with Aristophanes,
I want to swap jokes with Aristophanes,
I want to swap jokes with Aristophanes,
All the live-long day.
I want to have tea and scones with Jane Austen,
I want to have tea and scones with Jane Austen,
I want to have tea and scones with Jane Austen,
All the live-long day.
I want to tour Scotland with the Ettrick Shepherd,
I want to tour Scotland with the Ettrick Shepherd,
I want to tour Scotland with the Ettrick Shepherd,
All the live-long day.
But I don't want to play guns with William Burroughs,
I don't want to play guns with William Burroughs,
I don't want to play guns with William Burroughs -
What the HELL - do you think I'm fucking crazy, man?
You haven't lived until you've eaten Opium with Thomas de Quincey.
ReplyDeleteAnd, quite possibly, you may not live after you've eaten opium with him...!
ReplyDelete(This comment brought to you by the National Drug Addiction Council)
I wish to have a glass of milk with a person who is not so moral
ReplyDeleteI wish to have a glass of milk with a person who is not so moral
I wish to have a glass of milk with a person who is not so moral
And convert that person to a life of chastity and morality!
What, I is not into drugs!
I is on PRUDE'S MISSION!!!!!!!!
Further verses for Prude:
ReplyDeleteI want to go to church with C S Lewis...
I want to talk about good little bunny rabbits with Beatrix Potter...
I want to make the world a better place with Charles Dickens...
(etc, etc)
Many apologies to Prude, but:
ReplyDeleteI want to divorce my wife with Dickens and have a secret relationship with someone more than half my age.
Entirely chaste milk drinkers are hard to come by in the literary panthenon.
Goodness, all mine involve alcohol or drugs. Pints with Douglas Adams, everything with Hunter S., and some really quite cheap gin with Orwell.
ReplyDeleteThat is the whole problem blue valentine *sigh*
ReplyDeleteWe has got to change that.
I has got to write a book!
It must be a literary masterpiece that shall be worthy of standing alongside Miss Beatie Potter and Mr Charlie Dickens!
Ahh the missions I take upon myself.
Any other chaste milk drinkers who would be up to the challenge?
As my Great Uncle Rupert de Melchior used to say, 'Chaste makes waste'.
ReplyDeleteJust repeating my great uncle's catchphrase, obviously - not *endorsing* it...
ReplyDeleteAlas, literature is a vale of disappointment when one is trying to find chastity and milk-drinking in the one figurehead. The world needs your masterpiece very much, Prude.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Tim's uncle (clearly unlike mine who take their chances on anthing with a pulse). I am utterly wasted.
ReplyDeleteMy very unchaste ex-lass drinks milk all the time. Whole glasses of the stuff! I put this down to a protein defficiency resulting from too much exercise.
ReplyDelete... I would love to sing a duet with James Joyce (an accomplished tenor.)
Singing with Jimmy Joyce would be sweet, as would playing charades with Austen or Dickens.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the endorsement blue valentine.
ReplyDeleteTimT, I is thinking about a Great-Relative of mine whose chant was "Sex is a Hex" and "Chaste, Make Haste!"
It sent me hurrying on my mission.