The Illuminati have a 
webpage, and about time too! It's just ridiculous in this modern day and age that between them and the Reptilian blue bloods they haven't been able to rustle up a little blog or twitter outreach account to keep us updated on their plans for world domination. Anyway, I've just sent them in a job application.
Dear Sir/Madam/Miscellaneous,
Citizens of the Illuminati, I send you 
hateful beatings hearty greetings! I recognise your organisation as 
supreme superior, a truly 
horrific terrifying terrific group of people! Absolutely world 
eaters beaters! Nobody beats the world better than you!
I write to you now seeking 
domination nomination 
over of to your society, and shortly look forward to offering myself as a 
tyrannic leader terrific leader to the world! In working 
to do my bidding together, we can 
subject subjugate exterminate expect  the world to shortly come to deliver all due 
praise glory honour abject grovelling acts of meek obeisance plaudits to 
I me myself us.
My feelings at the moment are 
predomination predominantly 
aggro eager; I am 
licking my lips lustful looking forward to working with you more, 
destructively desolatingly desirous to further the 
claws jaws spores cause of our organisation and thus 
order the world institute a new world order.
Soon, soon my 
fiends friends, we shall 
destroy the world enjoy the world's praise! I 
horribly happily anticipate 
making you my minions myself meeting you. Further, 
the war for global destruction I look forward to a fruitful discussion!
Fools! Fools! Soon  you shall all be mine! Yours sincerely, Tim Train
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