Wednesday, October 09, 2024

Refraining refrains

 'Please refrain' is a refrain that only those in certain professions are pleased to use. 'Please refrain from talking with your mouth open while you are eating' is a refrain that mother is likely to refrain from. 'Are you going to have another pot, or are you going to refrain?' is a refrain that a mate drinking with you at the pub will be refraining from. No, it is only those in the customer services who are pleased to ask you to 'please refrain', 'please refrain from smoking in the entrance'; 'children will please refrain from running at the shops': thus goes the refrain. 

Customers will please refrain 
From passing water on the train 
While the train is standing at the staaaaation. 

To quote the pleasing refrain. 

The question therefore is, would the framers of the 'please refrain' refrain like to reframe their refrain of 'refrain', in order to better reform the audience of the refrain, or do they, instead, wish to retrain the audience so that 'please refrain' becomes a pleasingly common refrain? The answer is clearly obvious to all: which is why I have no idea what it is. 

But I want to make this last point absolutely clear: whatever customer service you are in, please refrain from pleasing customers in the doorway, okay? This is not the sort of neighbourhood for that behaviour, not at all. 

Thursday, October 03, 2024

Sounding a bum note

 Hello. Here is a poem about bottoms. 

BOTTOMS

O I like to have a bottom; 
A bottom’s not a flop; 
For a bottom always stands up 
 For what’s right (and not what’s not); 
 
O I like to have a bottom, 
 For a bottom really pops; 
 No, a bum is never ho-hum, 
 For your bottom runs the shop; 

 Yes, I like to have a bottom; 
 I like a bottom lots: 
 Let us sing and praise the bottom, 
 For the bottom’s really tops.