Will Type For Food

To give four cheers. Three thumbs up! To have a smile bigger than your face. Being over the blue moon. To give a hearty sphere of ap...

FACT! Jeremy Corbyn's jumper is knitted out of the beards of the proletariat! FACT! In the coming Corbyntopia, there will be a tax on...

Far be it from me to enter into the more abstruse points of style or fashion blogging, but on one occasion a little while ago I heard the po...

I can't hear you over my thoughts! Too understated  to be a whisper. Ferociously in between. A surprising distraction from my dist...

Well, my entry for the latest Speckled Potato poetry competition (write a poem from a cranky pet to its owner) wasn't accepted, so now ...

Words sometimes make me think of Max Bialystock's encouraging phrase to Leo Bloom: "Kid! There's more to you than there is to y...

Just put down the haiku and step away from the computer, Tim! It's not worth it!  I should be working. Moving cat from lap to cha...

Cat purring on lap. There is a knock at the door.  Cat purring on lap.

IT'S OFFICIAL - important sociological studies conclude that the worst names to call your child are Penelope or Matilda. These childre...

Scruffy and the Wind: a two person dialogue in which only one person speaks DRAMATIS PERSONAE WIND - a jerk.  SCRUFFY - a local...

OUR NATION IS IN CRISIS TODAY as local councils have announced that they are almost out of pointless symbolic gestures to be pointlessly sym...

SCENE: The Prank Store, Lalor. The store owner, Mr PRANKSRUS is standing at the counter as young DONOGOOD and his friends come in. MR PRAN...

Being a rhyme rap thingy I did at the Dan yesterday for no reason at all really apart from the three minutes of attention I got. The creativ...

Since the dawn of time, man has longed to become a pillow. No, wait, go with me on this. To have sharp feline claws repeatedly kneading ...

You are absolutely right in every way and in whatever opinion you have ever held. Further, you will inevitably be completely and utterly rig...

Wordsworth I wandered lonely as a cloud That floats on high o'er vales and hills When suddenly I saw a crowd, A host of golden daffo...

Emojis are my amanuensis - For instance, colon-close-parenthesis. If I like you, then you'll see - Colon-hyphen-capital-D. And ...

Short story number one: a comment on literature. "What the Dickens!" said the devil. "What the devil!" said Dickens. ...

TIM: (After having successfully removed a substantial blockage from the toilet with a stick,which had previously refused to budge in three ...