Time to raise the tone with some poetry

 I hope you're ready for some culture. 

One to remember

It is perfectly poised. It is neat and precise. 

It is dapper and cheerful and, all things considered, perfectly nice. 

 It has Gleichgewicht*, up there on the vert- 

-ical; standing there ever so perky and pert, 

 As it catches your sight and it catches your eye 

And heartily wishes a very good morning, good day and goodbye. 

 It is every way a fine and upstanding community member, 

 There is no doubt at all. A poo to remember**.

*German, 'balance'. Since we're truly in heady cultural territory now, allow me to make the remark that this whole poem is clearly a Mist opportunity. Ho ho ho. 

**Let us all thank beagle Patch for his contribution to world culture, which contribution forms the inspiration for this poem. 

Sometimes I Like To Bark At Things

 (Guest essay by Patch) 

Sometimes I like to bark at things, following which I will bark at things. Variety, they say, is the spice of life, so after that, I will bark at things some more. 

In the afternoons, I will considerately bark at things, and in the evenings I will kindly bark at things. I lead a full and rich life. 

All in all, matters with me are highly satisfying. After an exhausting day of Bark, I like to puff my pipe and perhaps engage in some improving literature or practise the fine arts.

Occasionally, it is true, I am met with the objection of 'Stop' or 'shut up' or 'can we please be quiet for one freaking second' from the humans. But to these objections, I merely reply: don't you spend the day barking (poorly) to one another*? And: aren't your television, radio, phone, etc barking at you all the time? And: once you get out and about in nature, what are even the trees doing?  

Bark. Bark. And more bark. 

In conclusion, I say, thank you for hearing me out. Bark. 

*Repeat after me: bark. Bark. B A R K. Bark. You'll get the hang of it.