Shy

Do you know a shy Tory? Are you so shy about your own Tory leanings that you haven’t outed yourself yet? Mysteriously invisible to polls, this is a species that the left needs to learn to identify.

Rupert Myers, The Guardian: Think you’ve never kissed a shy Tory? You’re almost certainly wrong 

Shy Tory Song

Are they blushing in the bedroom?

Do they hide behind the door?

Do they harbour an opinion

On the undeserving poor?

What colour are their stockings?

Have they ever worn a boater?

Those unassuming non-presuming

Shy Tory voters.

Has a husband or a wife

Ever awkwardly confessed

That Mrs Thatcher's policies,

Though harsh, were for the best?

Does their bedroom conversation

Touch on economic quotas?

Those flirtatiously salaciously

Shy Tory voters.

Do they dream of Union Jacks? 

Is it on their underwear? 

Do they groan about the Whigs

In tones of deep despair? 

Do they Telegraph their news,

Get their views from the Spectator?

Those tantalising self-disguising

Shy Tory voters.