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Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Conscious Man versus Unconscious Man - a fair and unbiased study performed in a spirit of scientific inquiry

Now, as all of us in the enlightened 'I saw chemtrails in my skidmarks!' community know, there's this little meme been going around about a guy called 'Conscious Man'. Conscious Man is great! Not only does he attain a higher state of being through blissful karmic meditation, but he also does the dishes! I think I hate him already. But can we really know how good Conscious Man is unless we set him next to his opposite - Unconscious Man? Let's perform this little thought experiment now!

CONSCIOUS MAN: 
Is mindful. 

UNCONSCIOUS MAN: 
Is in a drunken stupor on the couch. 

ADVANTAGE: 
Unconscious Man. Come on, who even knows what that mindful shit is? 

*

CONSCIOUS MAN: 
Takes out the garbage. 

UNCONSCIOUS MAN: 
Is in a drunken stupor on the couch. 

ADVANTAGE: 
Conscious Man. 

*

CONSCIOUS MAN: 
Meditates on the Yin and the Yang, the Feng Shui and the Falun Gong, the Chakras and the Yoni, the This and the That, and attains a state of Nirvana attaining the ultimate cessation of all being. 

UNCONSCIOUS MAN: 
Is in a drunken stupor on the - wait. Is he even alive? Oh, that's fine, he just vomited on the mat. 

ADVANTAGE: 
Conscious Man - unless he ectoplasms on the floor while in Nirvanic bliss.  

*

CONSCIOUS MAN: 
Will talk about your feelings, his feelings on your feelings, your feelings on his feelings, any old feelings, sometimes he'll even make up feelings to talk about. 

UNCONSCIOUS MAN: 
Is in a drunken stupor on the couch. 

ADVANTAGE: 
Unconscious Man. He's the strong and silent type. 

*

CONSCIOUS MAN: 
Grooves to the light of the silvery moon in a state of ecstasy. 

UNCONSCIOUS MAN: 
He's not sure whether he did any of that, he can't remember now, but at any rate he's in no condition to do it at the moment. Drunken, stupor, couch. You can fill in the blanks. 

ADVANTAGE: 
Unconscious Man, seriously, who is interested in that sort of nonsense? 

*

CONCLUSION: 
3 points to Unconscious Man, 2 points to Conscious Man, with an error margin of 0.5 points. 

I think you know what this means, chaps - let's get wasted.

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