Friday, August 05, 2016

How to be chockers with ockers and have Ozzies in your cossies

Pro-tip for all Australians: when speaking with Americans, throw as many Aussie expressions into your speech as you can, just to pique their interest. Strewth, cobber, take a gander at that geezer, haven't ridden in one of those for yonks, that kanga's had a few too many dhurries, he's a coupla tinnies short of a sixpack!

Over time, modify your speech so your ockerisms get ever more ocker and outlandish. Start making up a few: the Yanks will love it: throw another prawn on the barbie, me old Murray mate, there's a coupla cockies loose in the top paddock, how many sausages have to roll down the hill before me meat pie's done, by Jingo, Dingo, I get the Willy Willies from this great flaming galoot from the blazing black stump of Burke!

Eventually, your conversation should depart almost entirely from recognisable English. Trust me on this one. Whackadoodlediddly, why's me doovilaka pringled like the Nine Bulls of Ballina, it was just the other daisy she got stuck in a Lara Bingle at the Bottleo with Matto and Damo, who's a blagger got to nim to flanglewoozle a feller around here, I just want to take a Coonamble down the Bidgee, I ain't budging any smugglers, mate!

By this time you should be shouting, and waving your hands around a lot, and the corks on your hat will be tying themselves up in ever more fanciful knots. It will be great. The Yanks will never forget you.

Trust me on this one.

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