A teachable moment

The things you learn on the bus. If you miss the bus, clearly the best way is to shout at the bus driver (as they're stuck behind another bus) to open the door. Get more and more aggressive in tone as this will surely persuade the bus driver to open the door. Then, if this doesn't work, go to option 2) - bash at the door in a further attempt to cajole the bus driver and win them over with your winsome ways. Keep shouting as it will demonstrate your lovely temperament not only to the bus driver but to all the passengers on the bus!

If for some reason that doesn't work, then.... um.... I don't know. Try waiting at the bus stop and being nice to the bus driver? Nah, that'll never work.

Bringing us all together in these precious precious moments

That one time the Baron called me on the video thing on the iPhone when I was on the loo in the middle of doing what you do when you go to the loo and then proudly displayed me to everyone else in the house. That was a good time. Isn't it amazing how technology brings us all together?

 A POEM ABOUT ME GOING TO THE TOILET FOR DRAMATIC RECITATION AT DINNER PARTIES

I went to the dunny!

I went to the loo!

OOH! OOOH!

I went to the loo!

I went to the loo

And I did what you do -

WHEW! HUE!

I did what you do -

I did what you do,

I rattled the paper

TAPER! SCRAPER!

I rattled the paper.

I rattled the paper

I pressed the flush

GUSH! RUSH!

I pressed the flush.

I pressed the flush

And watched it go

OH! NO!

I watched it go!

Isn't it lovely?

Such togetherness

In the productions

Of my netherness.

A creative creation about the appropriative situation

I wrote this last night. I have no idea what it means.

The Rules
1.
Appropriation
Is appropriate
In some (appropriate)
Creations.

2.
Inappropriation
Is inappropriate
In other (appropriate)
Situations.

3.
Creation
Does not exclude appropriation
Appropriation
Does not exclude creation.

4.
A creation
May sometimes be
Appropriately
Inappropriate.

5.
An inappropriate
Appropriation
Is an inappropriate
Creation.

6.
Sometimes, two or more creatives
May procreate
In inappropriate
Situations.

7.
It is better to inappropriately
Procreate
Than to appropriately
Inappropriate.

8.
Appropriation
Is quotation
Quotation
May need citation.

9.
Appropriation
May appropriate
Other (appropriate)
Appropriations.

10.
In appropriation
Of appropriate appropriations
Be careful
Of (appropriate) citation.

11.
Don't appropriate
Procreation
Make all your procreation
Appropriately
Inappropriate.

Great audacious romps salacious

Married MP Keith Vaz tells prostitutes in his flat: 'Bring poppers' ... 'We need to get this party started'

On political scandals

Make my scandals too hot to handle

Oo la la and ring-a-ding

Great audacious romps salacious

Involving sex and lots of bling

Labour syphoning kazillions

To Hamas funds offshore

Tories caught in fish-net rorts

With Mata Hari whores.

Not these flimsy flights of whimsy,

MPs watching porn

Or, zut alors, bores bedding whores -

Treat such affairs with scorn.

We're all voyeurs now, or lawyers -

We need our pollies' follies -

They pay their way the more they play

Like massive fuckin Wallies.