An ohhhhhhhhhd

A few years ago the venerable institution going by the venerable name of Slamalamadingdong held an 'Anything Goes' poetry slam at their then venue of Trades Hall. Timing, as they say, is an indispensable element in many things - comedy, poetry, and outrageous distastefulness. So I hit on the idea of writing a love poem to the then Opposition Leader Tony Abbott and performing it at the slam. The worthy politician  who goes by that name has his advantages and disadvantages as a representative of Australia on the world stage, but his value in shocking and outraging people in the Melbourne Trades Hall is inestimable.

The years roll by. Tony Abbott is no longer Opposition Leader, no longer Prime Minister. The actual Prime Minister and Opposition Leader inspire nothing like the visceral shock and outrage and disgust that Mr Abbott seemingly was able to muster by simply turning to the camera and uttering a three syllable phrase - "Stop the boats!" Why, then, do I share with you now my Ode to Tony Abbott? For this very simple reason: I never actually got around to performing or writing it at the time of the Anything Goes slam. Timing is an indispensable element, in procrastination as in other things. 

An ode to Tony Abbott

Tony Abbott Tony Abbott 

Politician on a mission as you lead the coalition 

Pounding out the heaving bosom of the ocean 

While the water swells to meet you and the shoreline comes to greet you 

And the very planet shakes with the commotion. 

Tony Abbott Tony Abbott

With your roadways to tomorrow, pure, without sorrow, 

Clean cutting lines of asphalt and precision - 

And at night the luminescence of the neon fluorescence 

To sanctify your technocratic vision. 

Tony Abbott Tony Abbott

Warrior for the nation as we shout with acclamation 

And our voices mingle, passionate in praise - 

May our military munitions flower in perfervid fission 

And pay their tribute to you in a torrid blaze. 

Tony Abbott Tony Abbott 

Do you hear the metal ringing and the infrastructure singing

As the factories whisper out the Abbott story - 

And the smokestacks stand and shiver till with wonder they deliver

Clouds of radiant black effulgence for your glory! 

Tony Abbott Tony Abbott TONY ABBOTT.