Thursday, March 09, 2017

You don't need to read this blog post to know you're great!

Hey there! This is a blog post solely intended for the purpose of not challenging your perceptions and not requiring any actual thought or engagement from the internet. In fact, you don't have to be reading this blog post at all to make an incredibly thoughtless, unsubstantiated comment upon it! Stop reading it right now!

Have you stopped reading it? Good! For too long, you see, the internet has been awash with interesting, provocative, reasoned arguments in favour of positions that people would really rather not go to the effort of engaging with. There is a crying need in the community for blog posts that enable people to make knee jerk, biased, uneducated comments on. But for some reason, people have insisted on being independent-minded, hard-working, and on educating themselves about issues before actually responding to them in some way. It's disgraceful!

HEY, YOU'RE STILL READING! Stop right now! That's better. You see, people all too often put the effort to reading every single word in a blog post before actually responding to it, even if the blog post expresses an opinion completely contrary to their own. Wait a second, I think I caught out a person reading the sentence above this one, which action is completely antithetical (if you have just read that word, (which I hope you haven't), but if you have, do not look it up, if you don't know what it means) to the purposes of this post. You see, this blog post has no opinion of its own, and it doesn't even matter if it does, because you don't have to worry about it anyway, as the only purpose - the sole, unitary goal - the single end point of this blog post - is to reflect back to you your own opinions anyway. Because it's nicer that way.

Now I know you've stopped reading this blog post before it even started, but I'm going to need you to not read this blog post even more now. Good. Now that I have even less readers than ever before, I'm just going to say something: I like pineapple on pizza. Did you hear that? NO, OF COURSE YOU DIDN'T, because it doesn't matter anyway. and even if it does matter, it doesn't, because you're not reading this. So feel free to vent, fume, rageclick, vomit torrents of ideology, or swear about the horrible opinions I probably haven't expressed in the course of this blog post which you didn't read anyway, because that is the only purpose of this blog post!

You know (of course you don't!), this hasn't been a really learning, growing experience for all of us. Thank you for not actually taking your time to read any of this, you lovable, scrofulous, unhygienic nincompoops. It's been my absolute displeasure.

1 comment:

Deco To Retro said...

I like Pineapple on Pizza too .. Actually ask for double serve! ��

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