Applications for the position of Me have now closed

I feel it's time to make the announcement: over the past couple of weeks, I've held a series of job interviews for the position of myself, a job which I feel certain can be more successfully and productively held by somebody else.

After an extensive interview process, I've decided to grant the position to this radish.

Of course, this radish cannot speak, write, or type, and therefore this blog will be somewhat lacking in my characteristic bon mots, my nonsensical aperçus, or my insouciant observations. On the plus side, I now grow leaves out of the top of my head.

Please don't do this to me, though. I'm too young to be soupified.