Wednesday, August 08, 2007

On being mistaken for Jane Austen characters...

A novel in three volumes
By the AUTHOR of 'NATION and NOTIONALITY: a Freudian study'

It is a fact universally acknowledged (1) that a student in possession of a large fortune must be in want of a faculty (2).
However little known the feelings or views of such a student upon entering higher studies, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the surrounding faculties, that he/she/it is considered the rightful property of some one or other of their professors (3).

"My dear Miss Bennet", said her Associate Professor, Smith, to her one day. "Have you noticed that the course on Intertextuality in the Post Grecian World has a student at last?"
"Shut up, sleazebag" said Ms Bennet (4). She had behaved very strangely around him since he had delivered his series of lectures on the Subjectivity of the Male Gaze in the Neo-structural Paradigm.
"But it has," he returned. "Mr Longwinded visited me yesterday and told me all about it. Eventually." (5)
Ms Bennet made no answer.
"Do you not want to know who it is?" cried Smith impatiently.
"You want to tell me, and I have no objection to hearing it," she replied. "Although I'm sure I could find a few in my volume of Russell, if you just gave me a few minutes..."
This was invitation enough.
"You must know, Longwinded says the course is taken by a young student of large fortune from South Yarra; that he came down on Monday in a Prius to see the place; and was so much delighted that he agreed with Ms Morris immediately. There is just the trifling matter of a few papers, an email to the head of the arts faculty, an understandable failure to fill out one of those tedious university entrance applications, and so on, to deal with...."


(1) With the exception of the school of Marxist scholars who follow the example of S. Ruttiger (the poor fools!) For a refutation of this position, see the essays by Advar and Etheringham.

(2) "He is so rich, he must be in want of a faculty. In fact, judging from his entrance exams, he is in want of all his faculties, but that cannot be helped." Lervenitov, from her Collected Aphorisms.

(3) See Zerman's paper, 'On The Decline in Funding of Public Education, and the Right to Tax the Rich and Stupid'.

(4) Ms Bennet: Smith was frequently making this mistake - Miss/Ms - to her endless frustration.

(5) "Mr Longwinded visited me yesterday and told me all about it. Eventually." - Which is to say that Mr Longwinded told him eventually. Mr Longwinded was in the habit of visiting frequently, and telling eventually - although his colleagues wished it was the other way around. Longwinded was from the Political Faculty and specialised in speeches.


alexis said...

Sign me up for Intertextuality in the Post Grecian World -- not that the world seems particularly post-Grecian round where I live.

TimT said...


Excuse me while I shuffle papers officiously and flourish my bureaucratic stamp in the air. I'll just get your papers in disorder...

Email: timhtrain - at -

eXTReMe Tracker

Blog Archive