A week or so ago, Esme got clucky and we gave her some fertile eggs to sit on. (For the benefit of readers who may be getting puzzled at this point, Esme is not a batty old lady who lives with us and apparently thinks she is a chicken, but she is one of our Australorps). As a result, her character has completely changed: whereas before she was mostly interested in nicking inside when we weren't looking and asking for food, now she's more interested in just sitting, all day long. Geeze, chickens are exciting when they're clucky.... Anyway, she also apparently thinks she is now terrifying to humans who hove into her view. Allow me to demonstrate a simple scenario from her point of view.
SCENE: ESME is sitting valorously on her little nest of six or so eggs. A DESPICABLE HUMAN approaches.
DESPICABLE HUMAN: Hello Esme, I thought you might like some grain and some water. (Placing in nest).
ESME: (OF A SUDDEN METAMORPHOSING FROM A HUMBLE CHICKEN INTO A TERRIFYING TYRANNOSAURUS REX) BEGONE, DESPICABLE WRETCH, OR I WILL PLUCK OUT YOUR EYES AND FEAST THROUGH THEIR BLOODY SOCKETS ON THE BRAIN THAT LIES WITHIN!
DESPICABLE HUMAN: Shrieeeeeeeek! (Runs away in terror).
In reality, though, when I walk up to Esme, she fluffs herself up and makes a pretty whirring sound in an attempt to intimidate me. It's hard to imagine anything less intimidating than a fluffy chicken making a pretty whirring sound.
Don't tell Esme that though, I wouldn't want her to feel insecure.
Tim, your links stink, you fink!
- John Bangsund's Threepenny Planet
- Broken Biro
- Poetry 24
- Superlative scribbles
- Kirstyn McD!
- Rorrim a tsomla almost a mirror
- More Sterne
- Cam the man from the Dan.
- Too hot to Raaaaaaandallllllll!
- Erin's Excellently Everlasting Effervescements!
- Slammy Infamy
- Hail Paco!
- Baron Blandwagon, purveyor of cyberbunnies, hawker of Roger Corman, and Misruler of the Multiverse
- The Bolta. Aiyeeeeee!!!!!
- Bad Apple Audrey
- The cartoon church
- Sir Martinkus
- A Zemblanian abroad and at home
- A hodge podge of hotzeplotz
- THE SLAMMA!
- Jottlesby's nottings, or should that be Nottlesby's jottings?
- The Snarking of the Hunt
- Jazzy Hands
- David of Metal City
- David the Barista
- The Blogger on the Cast Iron Balcony
- Be an Opinion Dominion Minion!
- ... and Fel
- His brilliant career - from whale sushi to crumbed prawn
- Jo Blogs
- Yet another Tim
- Was two peas, now three peas
- ... Still Life - now with extra rotating cats!
- An Amazingly Awesome Australian Ampersand!
- Blink and you'll miss 'er
- Red in the land of the tigers!
- Wire of Vibe
- Chase him, ladies, he's in the cavalry!
- The Non-palindromical Editrix in Germanium
- Old Sterne
- The briefs...
- ... and the brieflets
- The Purple Blog
- Blairville, lair of all that is wicked and perfidious
- The enticingly acronymical CSH
- EXTREEEEEEEME WYNTER!
- Mark of California
- Silent Speaking
- Lexicon the Mexican
- ► 2016 (71)
- ► 2015 (106)
- ► 2014 (135)
- The tale of MIGHTY TYRANNOSAURUS REX and DESPICABL...
- Dubious liquids of questionable origin, or, advent...
- Booze reviews
- The most interactive blog post in the world
- The greatest Thing ever written
- The underarms of my keyboard
- Tyrannical tastes
- Sunday arts: portrait of a cat and a chicken
- (About cheese)
- A little talk
- Dufflepuds and jiggery pokery: review of Voyage of...
- Highbrow eyebrows
- William Shakespeare, Alexander Waugh, hot gay sex,...
- Considered reflections on the occurrence of Spring...
- ▼ November (15)
- ► 2012 (275)
- ► 2011 (261)
- ► 2010 (288)
- ► 2009 (290)
- ► 2008 (316)
- ► 2007 (392)
- ► 2006 (373)
- ► 2005 (287)