You are absolutely right in every way and in whatever opinion you have ever held. Further, you will inevitably be completely and utterly right in every opinion you ever will have: that is the considered opinion of this considered opinion column.
Think of a chair; a big, warm, comfortable chair. This chair is your opinion. You may relax in it. Go on, put your feet up. Notice how soft the cushions are! Of course, it is an extremely stylish and fashionable chair, but also exciting and moderne, for your tastes - being an extension of your opinions - are exceedingly refined and correct, though never subject to the transitory whims of trendsetters. How lovely it is! Utter the righteous sigh of contentment that you alone are able to utter. Ah!
Let us consider the nature of your opinions in all their true factuality and rightful correctness. I do not know what your opinions are (although I instantly accede to them, of course), and maybe you do not either: it is not mere generalities we are concerned with here. This nature of your opinions is threefold: you were right; you are right; you will always be right.
Polls have been performed on your opinions, and it is heartening to see how many people concur that you are in the right. Where polls do not agree with your own opinions, further polling on these polls has shown these polls to be wrong.
Most respectable individuals and highly-learned talking heads have conferred over your opinions and polls of your opinions, and the polls of polls of your opinions, and they have made eloquent disquisitions and delivered wise asseverations to the effect that you are absolutely right in every respect. Furthermore, the comment sections on most, if not all, blogs, taken as a whole, with a few unfortunate exceptions, affirm the serene truth of your reflections.
If only people would agree with you all the time. How agreeable that agreement would be! It is soothing to think of the correctness of your opinions, and to complaisantly acquiesce to their nuances and the subtler filigrees of your deliberations. One wonders why people do not instantly fall into step with them. This world is sometimes a fallen and miserable place.
We live in harsh, disputatious times, in a harsh, disputatious world, a place riven with disagreements, untruths, contradictions, paradoxes, and debates. Few individuals have ever come to agree on much in this bitter, conflicted place. No one person should ever feel complacent in their thoughts and philosophical systems - except you. You may feel utterly complacent in your complacency; for the simple neatness of your elegant opinions are perfectly adequate, for now and all time. How soft they are, how warm and fuzzy and attractive in their features; I should very much like to pat them and stroke them and make them my own!
This is the considered opinion of me, Tim Train, about your opinions.
Tim, your links stink, you fink!
- John Bangsund's Threepenny Planet
- Broken Biro
- Poetry 24
- Superlative scribbles
- Kirstyn McD!
- Rorrim a tsomla almost a mirror
- More Sterne
- Cam the man from the Dan.
- Too hot to Raaaaaaandallllllll!
- Erin's Excellently Everlasting Effervescements!
- Slammy Infamy
- Hail Paco!
- Baron Blandwagon, purveyor of cyberbunnies, hawker of Roger Corman, and Misruler of the Multiverse
- The Bolta. Aiyeeeeee!!!!!
- Bad Apple Audrey
- The cartoon church
- Sir Martinkus
- A Zemblanian abroad and at home
- A hodge podge of hotzeplotz
- THE SLAMMA!
- Jottlesby's nottings, or should that be Nottlesby's jottings?
- The Snarking of the Hunt
- Jazzy Hands
- David of Metal City
- David the Barista
- The Blogger on the Cast Iron Balcony
- Be an Opinion Dominion Minion!
- ... and Fel
- His brilliant career - from whale sushi to crumbed prawn
- Jo Blogs
- Yet another Tim
- Was two peas, now three peas
- ... Still Life - now with extra rotating cats!
- An Amazingly Awesome Australian Ampersand!
- Blink and you'll miss 'er
- Red in the land of the tigers!
- Wire of Vibe
- Chase him, ladies, he's in the cavalry!
- The Non-palindromical Editrix in Germanium
- Old Sterne
- The briefs...
- ... and the brieflets
- The Purple Blog
- Blairville, lair of all that is wicked and perfidious
- The enticingly acronymical CSH
- EXTREEEEEEEME WYNTER!
- Mark of California
- Silent Speaking
- Lexicon the Mexican
- ► 2016 (58)
- ▼ July (5)
- ► 2014 (135)
- ► 2013 (173)
- ► 2012 (275)
- ► 2011 (261)
- ► 2010 (288)
- ► 2009 (290)
- ► 2008 (316)
- ► 2007 (392)
- ► 2006 (373)
- ► 2005 (287)