It's Snot Good For The Environment

Dear Senator Bob Brown,

I have an innovative suggestion for a sustainable agriculture project which I'm sure the Australian Greens will support. Namely, I think we should start a wholescale program in Australian schools and universities, encouraging our young people to PICK THEIR NOSES and to EAT THE RESULTS.

Now, inevitably, some right-wing refuseniks and conservative reactionaries will say things like "That's disgusting!" and "Ew, yuck! We should never eat our own waste products!"
In order to counter these predictable arguments by the fascist automatons, I suggest the Greens initiate a counter-campaign in the media. This counter-campaign would consist of four main arguments:

1) Picking your nose is easy and FUN!, and students (little grots that they are) will quite happily take to the practice!

2) It's efficient and sustainable; the person themselves produces the the item which they then ingest!

3) It would do away with many environmentally wasteful items, such as handkerchiefs and tissues. (Think of all the trees we could save)

4) Finally, snot comes in an attractive green colour!

Of course, we'll have to be very careful that scientists, under the guise of 'progress', don't try to introduce dangerous Genetically Modified snot into our noses, under the pretence of health. I mean, let's face it, GM food is dangerous, and there's no telling what eating that shit could do to us!

Thanks for the time, Bob. I know the Australian Greens will support me on this one. Keep reaching for the sky!

Tim