Sunday, February 21, 2010

Annoying bottom-faced rat-like mammal on the brink of extinction

Annoying bottom-faced rat-like mammal on the brink of extinction
World struggles to care

An exceedingly annoying species is on the brink of extinction, and no-one really is too concerned about it, according to reports from the World Wide Foundation for Nature (WWFN).

The species, Scrofulous Flatulus Rattus, colloquially known as the Bum-Faced Rat, commonly habituates garbage dumps, slag heaps, and toxic waste piles, where it may be seen scurrying about looking ugly, and spreading various types of diseases.

"God, what a wretched little turd it is," says Professor Amelia Chen, of Blatherskyte University, reluctant expert in the life-cycle of the Bum-Faced Rat.

Studies performed by the WWFN find that approximately 80% of the world know nothing about the plight of the Bum-Faced Rat, and an even higher percentage - 97% - do not care. But it's not good enough, according to Dr Oswald Cavalini, of the WWFN: "We have to make even more people in the world care even less about the Bum-Faced Rat."

Over the following year, the WWFN plan to release a series of pamphlets with titles like Really Cute and Fluffy Creatures that are About to Die, and Examples of Majestic but Sadly Endangered Wildlife That You Should Feel Real Guilty About, in order to highlight the contrast between them and the Bum-Faced Rat.

Sadly, although the Bum-Faced Rat is on the verge of extinction, other horrendous creatures, including the Leprous Vole, the Exceedingly Pustulent Fungus, the Snaggle-Toothed Snag, and the Frankly Hideous Otter, continue to thrive.


UPDATE! - Boy, you people REALLY don't like pink bunnies. But then, you seem to be quite kindly and affectionate towards the leprous vole...


Cam Black said...

Man, you captured much of how I felt at Uni. The cute and cuddlies get the funding, and the cuter postgrad students. :-)

Ampersand Duck said...

Gawd, this made me laugh like a drain. Thanks.

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