Tuesday, July 09, 2013

Individually numbered in order of dislike

Voters will use magnifying sheets to read tiny font on Senate ballot papers  

ABC election analyst Antony Green says voters will need the dexterity of a contortionist to be able to read the Senate ballot paper which has grown to 1.02 metres in length. 
I don't see what the problem is here. Personally, when it comes to the Senate vote, I always vote below the line, so I get to individually number each of the politicians in order of dislike. It's not enough to be able to do away with their parties with one stroke of the pen; sometimes, you just have to create an ordered numerical list in which you place one member of the party behind another so you can quantify to a precise and specific amount your level of contempt for them and their policies. It is very easy indeed to vote for the worst politicians and place them up the end of the list, and not so hard to vote for those you want most, but somewhere in the middle, when you have to take account of all the ineffectual politicians, and sort the could-be-amusing parties from the possibly-quite-irritating ones and distinguish them from the actually-rather-disturbing groupings, there's always a pile up, and suddenly it's not just advanced origami and contortionism that you find yourself having to indulge in, but you also have to suddenly deploy everything you've ever known plus anything you've ever forgotten plus some of the stuff you never knew but now wish you had about algebra, quadratic equations, trigonometry, and arithmetical series, in order to make the two ends come together in a pleasing fashion. It's great fun, and I recommend it. Anyway, voters of a less masochistic frame of mind than me may find the continued growth of the Senate ballot paper infuriating and frustrating, but there's really no need. There's plenty of things you can do with a ballot paper to make it easier to handle:

1) Fold it up and use your scissors to create pleasing paper dolls, perhaps in the form of politicians you wish to vote for.

2) Roll it up, pinching one end tightly shut with a paper clip, and using it to deliver gifts of chocolates and sweetmeats to friends and lovers.

3) Actual origami!

4) Alternatively, you can hold it above your head and shake it back and forth to create convincing thunderous effects to awe and impress your audience. Never let it be said that Australians are not pragmatic people!


thewaysheworetime said...

I always have trouble deciding who I dislike the most - Family First, One Nation, the fascists. Seriously, how do you pick which one is worst out of options like that?

TimT said...

Eeny meeny....?

Email: timhtrain - at -

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