Supernews! Death causes cancer

EVERYWHERE, MONDAY.
Concerns have been raised amongst the community of concerned people following scientific revelations by scientists that death could be carcinogenic.

The possible link between death and cancer has rocked society. "We thought death was harmless," cried one concerned citizen, "apart from it killing people, of course, which as we all know is just a part of life."

Steps have already been taken to curb the incidence of the powerful cancer-causing phenomenon, with the government making moves to "ban death" or at least redistribute the incidence of death amongst society so that poor people are not adversely affected by the rates of cancer it may cause.

The announcement that death may cause cancer follows similar revelations that cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, animals, oygen, water, books, children, the elderly, stress, and everything are also amongst the list of cancer-causing items. Indeed, since cancer causes death which causes cancer, it is only a matter of time before the shattering discovery that cancer causes cancer is made, further elevating the concerns amongst the community of concerned people and rocking the medical world.

This has been another edition of Supernews!