Wednesday, January 08, 2014

Ordering beer by the yard, and other knotty questions

Chatting on Aussie Home Brewer recently about my fondness for the traditional measurements for drinks in a pub, pots and pints, I commented that 'ordering beer by the yard would seem excessive'. To which, quick as a flash, another commenter quipped: 'Tell that to Bob Hawke'.

All true. However, it occurred to me a little after that perhaps it could be time for some new measurements and descriptions in pubs. Not millilitres or litres or grams - no, I'm thinking a whole new set of words to describe the drinker's life. A few suggestions follow:

pont - a disappointing pint, a pint that is closer to a pot. A pint that didn't make it. "A dissapintment".

shanky - a shonky shandy. 

schooner-or-later - an excessively long wait at the bar. A schooner that takes a while to be drawn from the tap.

muddy - an ambiguous middy.  (Readers may ask: what is so ambiguous about a middy? Perhaps the answer lies in the question. However, I'd suggest that after a few drinks, almost anything could appear ambiguous).

spot - the remnants of a pot.

spit - a worthless remnant of a spot (above), not enough to drink.

glug - the rate at which beer is poured into the jug.

hemidemisemijohn - an extremely small demijohn.

the full John - a big demijohn. Not so demi anymore.

phony - a pretend pony. Also, a faux po.

schlong-neck - larger bottle for the, ahem, discerning man.

stubble - smaller bottle for the metrosexual man with the five o'clock shadow.

the seven o'clock swell - time in the day when posh city chaps descend on the pub.

the nine o'clock squall - time when drunk backpackers descend on posh city chaps in the pub.

the eleven o'clock dill - there's always one of them.

the barrell o'farry - NSW keg measurement.

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