I've been trying to get myself a passport lately. Do you realise how hard that is, when you don't have one? To get a passport you need a driver's licence; if you don't have a driver's licence, you need a birthcard; to get a birthcard, you need to find your birth certificate along with several other forms of documentation and take it in to the Department of Births Deaths and Marriages ... wherever that is.
And all for what? All you seem to end up doing is proving to the authorities involved what is plainly obvious... that you exist.
Maybe we should do away with all Birth Cards and Licences and Passports, and roll them into one handy
This card is to certify that you, Mr./ Mrs. / Ms. / Miscellaneous* ____________________, exists. Congratulations!
After examination of all official records, the Department of Making Your Business Ours has been able to confirm your current reality.
If you are currently suffering from an Identity Crisis, Amnesia, Multiple Personality Disorder, Self-Doubt, Confusion, or any other type of existential angst, please refer to this card for comfort.
Should the case of existential angst persist, please refer to your neighbourhood philosopher.
* Please circle appropriate option.
Then again, you'd have to be careful not to receive the following:
NOTIFICATION OF UNEXISTENCE
After examining your application for an Existence Card under the Realism Act of 1999, the Department of Making Your Business Ours regrets to inform you that you do not exist.
We have carefully considered all appropriate evidence, and have been unable to confirm you claim for existence.
This could mean one of several things:
1) You have not yet been born,
2) You have been born but are currently dead;
3) You are a notional entity, whose existence may be possible at some point in the continuance of the universe, but who is currently a fiction.
Please return to your womb/grave/brain/alternative unabode immediately. We shall be sending officers around to collect your worldly goods shortly.
Tim, your links stink, you fink!
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- The Bolta. Aiyeeeeee!!!!!
- Bad Apple Audrey
- The cartoon church
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- A Zemblanian abroad and at home
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- THE SLAMMA!
- Jottlesby's nottings, or should that be Nottlesby's jottings?
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- Be an Opinion Dominion Minion!
- ... and Fel
- His brilliant career - from whale sushi to crumbed prawn
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- Yet another Tim
- Was two peas, now three peas
- ... Still Life - now with extra rotating cats!
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- Blink and you'll miss 'er
- Red in the land of the tigers!
- Wire of Vibe
- Chase him, ladies, he's in the cavalry!
- The Non-palindromical Editrix in Germanium
- Old Sterne
- The briefs...
- ... and the brieflets
- The Purple Blog
- Blairville, lair of all that is wicked and perfidious
- The enticingly acronymical CSH
- EXTREEEEEEEME WYNTER!
- Mark of California
- Silent Speaking
- Lexicon the Mexican
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