Friday, March 20, 2009

Just imagine if...

Just imagine if... commercials for pet food were children food commercials!

SCENE: The backyard of a suburban house. JAMES and TROY are chasing one another around the backyard, squealing and giggling. Suddenly, they hear a noise from inside the house...

CUT TO: Mum in the kitchen, taking a bowl from the cupboard.

(JAMES runs to the window.)

JAMES: Mum, is it...

MUM: (Smiles and nods)

TROY: (Runs to the window) Woooooah!

JAMES: Oh wow! Dog biscuits again! Mum, can Sharon have some too?

MUM: Of course! There's plenty for everyone!

(Sets down the two bowls in front of the boys)

VOICEOVER: Doesn't your best friend deserve Good O?


SCENE: A shot of a city. As cheerful, morning music plays, the camera pans out over the city, taking in the rolling hills and the plains and the trains and the buses, before zooming in to a series of individual houses. In each of them, we see children waking up and rubbing their eyes and stretching their arms while the music becomes gradually more energetic. The camera CUTS to the kitchen , where mothers and fathers are taking out breakfast bowls and calling for their children to come out. The camera follows the children as they have a shower, come out into the kitchen, and, one by one, take out some bowls from the cupboard, and proceed to fill it up with a box whose title, however, remains obscured. As they finish their meals, they throw school bags on their back and hurry off to school.

CUT TO: A series of shots of boxes being placed on a table surface, revealing the titles of the boxes, while the VOICEOVER says:

VOICEOVER: Nine out of every ten children prefer Snappy Tom for breakfast!


SCENE: A large factory. A father is leading his children past the machines, and the air is full of steam and smoke and whirring and hammering and crashing and thumping sounds. They walk past a meat grinder, that continually grinds and produces a mince consisting of a number of weird ingredients, including tails and ears. This mince falls onto a chute, and is conveyed downwards into a large vat. A series of large beaters continuously whirl the meat around the vat, while a series of pipes continuously spew different-coloured liquids into it. The meat mixture is sucked out of the other side of the vat by another pipe, operated by a vacuum. The father and the children follow the pipe with wondering eyes, up and down and around, as the meat travels through the pipe. Finally, they come to the end, where the meat is squeezed out in a continuous cylindrical shape.

FATHER: Ah! (Takes a kitchen knife out of his pocket and cuts some of it off, putting it into a bowl.) Who wants a piece?

VOICEOVER: CHUM! It's just so chunky - you can carve it!


nailpolishblues said...

Oh dear, I feel a bit ill now.

TimT said...

You never know, with the economy heading down the gurgler, we might all be chowing down on some dog food in a few years time.

nailpolishblues said...

I suspect that dog food will be a luxury fr folks like me...

Maria said...

Especially if you go for My Dog. That's luxury food.

Lotsa dog food is mega-expensive. It's not all being sold there for ten tins for twenty cents. If it were I would be very tempted to adjust my dinners accordingly. I think dogs eat more luxuriously than some of us humans do.

Excuse me while I go and chew on a beef bite stick.

Email: timhtrain - at -

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