Temping Rage

Oh yeah. Temping agencies. Don't mention Temping agencies to me. I'm likely to leap out of the computer at you and throttle you. I first registered with ten temping companies about a year ago, expecting - foolishly - that my skills would be immediately recognised.
Boy, how wrong I was. Over the next 12 months, as I fretted, fumed, frowned, and stared at the wall of my house for hours at a time, the temping agencies did their level best to frustrate me even more.
Oh, I've got stories about them all. There are the big ones. Forsythes. Drake. CGI. Skilled. Manpower. The local ones. Centre Staffing. Mazden. MAS. HGI. HGT. And the specialist ones. MediTemp. Labour Co-op. More frigging temping agencies than there are jobs! You'd imagine that you could just rock up, hand in your resume, speak to somebody about the job you want - but no. There are forms to be filled in. In triplicate! With multiples signatures! There are tests to be done. Typing! Numeric! Alpha-numeric! Numeric-alpha-numeric! Symbols! Comprehension! Each agency have got their own test, and each - supposedly - sets them apart from the rest. Don't imagine that you can go to one temping agency, with the results you got from another temping agency, and say, 'hey! Here you go!' No. You have to do another pointless test - again - that either tells you something you knew already (YOURE TYPING SPEED IS 80WPM) or something completely different. Either way, it's completely meaningless.
Then there are the Government temping agencies. These are the frigging-abso-frigging-lute-frigging PITS! With private temping agencies, there is at least a chance that you will be able to sit down with somebody understanding. Not with Government agencies. My worst memory is of walking into a Wesley Mission office in Mayfield, asking about a particular job they had advertised ('Menial Office Worker', maybe). A small guy in glasses took me into his office, sat me down, then - and I swear this is true - he looked at the back of his glasses while he told me, 'I'm sorry. The position has been filled. You've got a good resume, but have you ever considered taking up work in a Call Centre?'
Just as bad were Forsythes. These guys are big. Like, their reach is INTERNATIONAL. I registered with them first a year ago; when I left my resume with them, I asked Amy (for some reason, these places are all staffed by women called Amy) 'When will I hear from you regarding a job?'
'Oh, we'll call you in in a few weeks when a job comes up. Then we can sit down and give you an interview.'
Good. A job in a few weeks time. It's what I wanted. So I kept in constant contact with them, and the weeks stretched into months and the months stretched into half-a-bloody-YEAR! Then one day I call them, ask about a particular job they have advertised, and the person on the other end says, 'Okay. If you're really interested in the job, you can come in and have an interview with us.'
'What?' I spluttered. 'You said that you'd call me in when a job came up for me.'
'Oh no!' they said. 'We won't even know what sort of a job is suitable for you - ' (any bloody job, I muttered under my breath) ' - until we call you in for an interview!'

Great. You can't get recommended for a job until you get an interview and you can't get an interview until you get recommended for a job. It just says it all about temping agencies - gigantic, disorganised bureaucracies which exist to fuck the little people around. (And guess what? I'm still registered with at least 18 of them, and not ONE of them has called me back regarding jobs.)

Oh yeah. Temping Agencies. I know them. I know them too bloody well.