Suggested Notices for Connex Trams, Trains and Buses:
- No spanking in the aisles.
- You are not authorised to receive fellatio unless you are the holder of a valid concession card.
- If you are receiving fellatio while not being in concession of a valid concession card, the ticketing inspector will receive it on your behalf.
- Please vomit courteously.
- All claustrophics receive a free ride on our trams today.
- Please remember to make room for the schizophrenic and his multiple personalities.
- For safety reasons, oxygen on our trains is banned. If you find yourself becoming asphyxiated, please notify the driver and he'll see what he can do.
- It is illegal not to follow Connex regulations.
- It is illegal not to read Connex regulations. If you are illiterate and are unable to read these instructions, please notify the ticketing inspector and you will receive a fine.
- Have an efficient trip.
- Please do not have sex on the tram. Have it in the tram instead.
- The bus is no longer travelling on this route. Please wait patiently until the bus does not arrive. Thankyou for your consideration.
- The tram on which you are travelling no longer stops near your house. It travels now to an arbitrary location in the outer suburbs. If you are currently travelling home, please alter your destination accordingly.
- Please die quietly.
- When using public transport, it is compulsory to be travelling with a drunk dwarf. If you do not have a drunk dwarf, you may purchase one at the nearest newsagency or chemist.
- If you are in possession of a valid concession card, you may receive fellatio off the drunk dwarf.
- Do not talk. Close your eyes and think of England.
- If another person on the tram is talking, please notify the tram driver or ticketing inspector silently. They will be dealt with.
- Ignore the dead body at the other end of the tram. It's none of your business.
- Nothing is your business.
- Have a nice day.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Tim, your links stink, you fink!
- John Bangsund's Threepenny Planet
- Broken Biro
- Poetry 24
- Superlative scribbles
- Kirstyn McD!
- Rorrim a tsomla almost a mirror
- More Sterne
- Sterne
- Cam the man from the Dan.
- Too hot to Raaaaaaandallllllll!
- Erin's Excellently Everlasting Effervescements!
- Slammy Infamy
- Hail Paco!
- Baron Blandwagon, purveyor of cyberbunnies, hawker of Roger Corman, and Misruler of the Multiverse
- The Bolta. Aiyeeeeee!!!!!
- Bad Apple Audrey
- The cartoon church
- Sir Martinkus
- A Zemblanian abroad and at home
- A hodge podge of hotzeplotz
- THE SLAMMA!
- Jottlesby's nottings, or should that be Nottlesby's jottings?
- The Snarking of the Hunt
- Jazzy Hands
- David of Metal City
- David the Barista
- The Blogger on the Cast Iron Balcony
- Be an Opinion Dominion Minion!
- Mel...
- ... and Fel
- His brilliant career - from whale sushi to crumbed prawn
- Jo Blogs
- Yet another Tim
- Croucherisms...
- Was two peas, now three peas
- Desciopolous!
- ... Still Life - now with extra rotating cats!
- Erin...
- An Amazingly Awesome Australian Ampersand!
- Blink and you'll miss 'er
- Red in the land of the tigers!
- Wire of Vibe
- Chase him, ladies, he's in the cavalry!
- The Non-palindromical Editrix in Germanium
- Old Sterne
- Gempiricalisations
- TonyT
- The briefs...
- ... and the brieflets
- The Purple Blog
- Blairville, lair of all that is wicked and perfidious
- The enticingly acronymical CSH
- EXTREEEEEEEME WYNTER!
- Mark of California
- Jellyfish
- Silent Speaking
- Lexicon the Mexican
Blog Archive
-
▼
2005
(287)
-
▼
September
(30)
- This Space Intentionally Left Blank
- Dream Poetry
- The City of Lost Vowels
- Fruit Free State
- On the Naming of Cyclones
- The Grammatical Structure of Non-Existent Words
- Judging a Blog by its Blogger
- Woohoo!
- The Miracle of Birth
- Suggested Notices For Connex
- Grogblogging Reminder
- Grogblogging Communique
- Hi Class Litraycha
- From Ogblog to Wogblog - a History of Blogging
- Splutter
- A Post About Marmosets
- Cough Cough
- Lay Off the Laudanum, Old Son
- Today Is The Third-and-a-halfth Day for the Rest O...
- My Brief But Dazzling Future Career in Australian ...
- Anti-censorship
- Who Said I'm Not Sensitive?
- Absolutely no FREE BEERWhatsoever
- The Nine Other Muses
- A Dialogue Between Person and Bed
- When Blogging Goes Wrong
- An Unspirational Story
- I Blame John Howard
- Life: The Limitation of Art
- If Shakespeare
-
▼
September
(30)
3 comments:
Someone had a good day on public transport, didn't they?
Perhaps I have been giving the wrong impression. I do not hate public transport at all. It is, like our welfare system, one of the great natural wonders of Australia. And, being congenitally lazy, I don't have a car myself so I can't really complain too much about public transport.
This post was inspired by two recent comments on public transport by the inimitable Jon Sterne. Peruse them at your pleasure.
Daisy, you had me at the word 'automobile.' Love that southern accent!
Inimitable! Thank you Tim, I've not been called that before; adjectives immediately preceding my name usually consist of no more than four letters.
Post a Comment