Reader, I must confess. I have been a swine, a cad, an utter reprobate, a moral worm, a beast. Up until now, I would have been the sort of person to blithely go on life's way, nary uttering a word in sympathy or compassion for my poor, suffering fellow mortals. Now, not so! I have turned from my paths of wickedness from whence I have straid, never to stray no more.
Up until two days ago, had a person at my workplace happened to become hurt, my response would have been like so:
WORKMATE: OUCH! I stubbed my foot.
TIM: Isn't that a nice cloud!
Now, however, I know better. Who am I to mock a fellow mortal in their pain and suffering? Sympathy, like a healing balm, must be applied liberally. In future, this will be my response.
WORKMATE: OUCH! I stubbed my foot!
TIM: OH MY GOD! WHO'S YOUR NEXT OF KIN? I'll hire the funeral hearse, & co., & co...
And what has caused me to reform? Well, as Dr Johnson once said, "If a man knows he is to be hanged on the morrow, it focuses his mind wonderfully." And so it is with sickness: reader, I ail, I fail, I am poorly. I may not last for much longer. I am, there is no doubt, on the cusp of death. Or, to put it more specifically, my mouth hurts. Or, not to put too fine a point on it, I have a toothache. I think I know what the problem is, too. My wisdom teeth, those villains in the dental world, which, years ago, my dentist told me would have to be removed at some point in my future life - or else!
I am now in my thirty-first year of age, hale and hearty, and with my wisdom teeth still unremoved. Oh, how I wish it had been different! I can see all too clearly what is going to happen. My corrupt teeth will drop, one by one out of my mouth; and then, the corruption and decay will spread to the rest of my mouth will drop off too. Without a mouth, I will be unable to feed. A mouthless zombie, I will wander the world for a few days, before falling, and becoming a dead, decaying corpse in the gutter. A vision of horror? Nay, dear reader: it is merely a sober and sanguine consideration of the circumstances that lie before me. Perhaps readers of the dental profession out there will spot one or two inaccurate details. However, I feel certain that it is, in essence, true.
Anyone know a good dentist?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Tim, your links stink, you fink!
- John Bangsund's Threepenny Planet
- Broken Biro
- Poetry 24
- Superlative scribbles
- Kirstyn McD!
- Rorrim a tsomla almost a mirror
- More Sterne
- Sterne
- Cam the man from the Dan.
- Too hot to Raaaaaaandallllllll!
- Erin's Excellently Everlasting Effervescements!
- Slammy Infamy
- Hail Paco!
- Baron Blandwagon, purveyor of cyberbunnies, hawker of Roger Corman, and Misruler of the Multiverse
- The Bolta. Aiyeeeeee!!!!!
- Bad Apple Audrey
- The cartoon church
- Sir Martinkus
- A Zemblanian abroad and at home
- A hodge podge of hotzeplotz
- THE SLAMMA!
- Jottlesby's nottings, or should that be Nottlesby's jottings?
- The Snarking of the Hunt
- Jazzy Hands
- David of Metal City
- David the Barista
- The Blogger on the Cast Iron Balcony
- Be an Opinion Dominion Minion!
- Mel...
- ... and Fel
- His brilliant career - from whale sushi to crumbed prawn
- Jo Blogs
- Yet another Tim
- Croucherisms...
- Was two peas, now three peas
- Desciopolous!
- ... Still Life - now with extra rotating cats!
- Erin...
- An Amazingly Awesome Australian Ampersand!
- Blink and you'll miss 'er
- Red in the land of the tigers!
- Wire of Vibe
- Chase him, ladies, he's in the cavalry!
- The Non-palindromical Editrix in Germanium
- Old Sterne
- Gempiricalisations
- TonyT
- The briefs...
- ... and the brieflets
- The Purple Blog
- Blairville, lair of all that is wicked and perfidious
- The enticingly acronymical CSH
- EXTREEEEEEEME WYNTER!
- Mark of California
- Jellyfish
- Silent Speaking
- Lexicon the Mexican
Blog Archive
-
▼
2008
(316)
-
▼
December
(28)
- Things I did on my holidays, by Timothy H Train
- Important political post!
- Idle Novocastrian notes
- Unsolicited dog photographs
- Naughty Santa
- Words which I use incorrectly
- Ancient people you can relate to
- Tongue twister
- The Christmas that ate Christmas
- Getting into the spirits, getting into the seasoning
- The difference between 'think' and 'tell'
- Out of Zeit, out of Geist
- Aspirational junk food
- This is not a review
- All I want for Christmas is my teeth ripped out of...
- Nasal gazing
- Everyone talks to themselves, don't they?
- Better the Minogue than the Maxogue
- ...
- Comments with no post...
- Oxtravaganza!
- How to philander, one pat at a time
- The tap dancing won me over
- Very absent voters
- Cat of destruction!
- Utter flapdoodle!
- Creative uses of modern environmental concepts!
- His finest hour
-
▼
December
(28)
13 comments:
Oh you poor thing! I am much aggrieved to hear this (even though you do mock hypochondria so charmingly!). I still can't think of the loss of my own wisdom teeth without a shiver. I had to be knocked out and have them cut out of my jaw, when I really would have preferred the fully conscious version, since I have a terrible, irrational fear of a general anaesthetic.
My dentist is a very nice sort of dentist with a dinosaur mobile hanging from his ceiling. He still calls me his "little mate", but the lollipops have sadly stopped. I fervently hope that you may find such comfort.
A dentist handing out lollipops seems a bit perverse to me. 'You're all fine now...here, have this, come back in six months...'
I had the most awful dream the other night that my teeth became loose and fell out and new ones grew. Take my word that it was quite revolting.
I recommend immediate decapitation.
Decapitation? Pshaw! This is not just a matter of life and death, people. It's much more serious than that!
Didn't clove oil help in Marathon Man? What's the famous question the evil Laurence Olivier character keeps asking as he drills away?
Wikipedia knows all: "Is it safe?"
You can take to muttering that as you walk around the streets.
I do know a lovely lady who's also a dentist. She's a good friend's sister.
I would say she's good, and she's a dentist.
But I've know idea what her dentistry's like.
It would be some compensation, having a good dentist who is, nevertheless, bad as a dentist.
"Oh! I pulled out the wrong tooth! I am sorry. That was dreadfully remiss of me! Put up your feet, I'll just get you a cup of tea to take your mind off it. Do you find the cushion on the seat comfortable?" etc, etc.
Reminds me of the Wendy Cope poem about 'favourite poets' that concludes
You're my favourite poet,
And I like your poems, too.
Cow recommends leaving the tooth in place and simply filling any cavities which arise.
Unless it is really crowding the rest of your teeth, there's no reason to remove it. And lots of reasons to keep some more molars.
Yes, you will have to look long to find a dentist whose first thought isn't just "pull it out!" But 20 years on Topiary is very glad she kept hers, and just has little fillings in them. Cute.
Moo!
Here's just the problem. I have slightly more room at the top of my mouth than at the bottom. The toothache was caused, I think, by the wisdom tooth on my left-hand-upper-side forcing its way (further) out, the only one to have fully done so. And now it has done so in a way that it is longer by a few millimetres than my other teeth. It will have to go before it warps my whole mouth.
Oh rats. That is too bad.
Unless they could just sand it off or something.
Things not looking good for TimTs Tooth.
Moo!
I am, there is no doubt, on the cusp of death.
Don't you mean Bicuspid?
I'm probably too late, but Union Dental opposite RMIT highly recommended.
Thanks Helen, and smashing joke. I've already booked with them actually! I remembered your comment from a while back on Sterne and they were on my short list of dentists to call. It being the silly season I've still got a week or so to wait.
Thankfully the aching has subsided, and my mouth seems not to have fallen off quite yet.
Post a Comment