There were unfascinating fascinators, flimsy forehead floral designs, hideous head contraptions, and hat ladies everywhere on the trams and trains and buses yesterday, tottering into the windows and one another. It's all to do with a bunch of horses running around the track, or something like that.
Anyway, now that it's almost all over - please tell me it's almost all over? - I guess a lot of people will be wondering what to do with all their pieces of garish headwear. Throwing it out would seem like a waste. It would seem a tad ostentatious wearing it to work, too. Here's a few suggestions that they may find useful:
1. TAKE A CUTTING from your garish plastic fascinator or floral headdress in order to grow a beautiful garden of ugly plastic flowers! You'll have a whole array of garish plastic fascinators to use next year!
2. HANG FROM YOUR CEILING as a kind of pot pourri. It's beautiful fragrances... well, it won't have a beautiful fragrance, so just spray it with your perfume bottle or something - will spread through the whole house!
3. PLACE IT STRATEGICALLY IN THE GARDEN and smear it with honey in order to attract a swarm of bees. Soon you will have a useful and workable beehive.
4. ERECT YOUR HAT permanently in an out of the way coastal village, such as Venus Bay or Apollo Bay and use it as an attractive and brightly coloured home away from home! But be aware of squatters who may take up residence in your former headware while you are absent.
Tim, your links stink, you fink!
- John Bangsund's Threepenny Planet
- Broken Biro
- Poetry 24
- Superlative scribbles
- Kirstyn McD!
- Rorrim a tsomla almost a mirror
- More Sterne
- Cam the man from the Dan.
- Too hot to Raaaaaaandallllllll!
- Erin's Excellently Everlasting Effervescements!
- Slammy Infamy
- Hail Paco!
- Baron Blandwagon, purveyor of cyberbunnies, hawker of Roger Corman, and Misruler of the Multiverse
- The Bolta. Aiyeeeeee!!!!!
- Bad Apple Audrey
- The cartoon church
- Sir Martinkus
- A Zemblanian abroad and at home
- A hodge podge of hotzeplotz
- THE SLAMMA!
- Jottlesby's nottings, or should that be Nottlesby's jottings?
- The Snarking of the Hunt
- Jazzy Hands
- David of Metal City
- David the Barista
- The Blogger on the Cast Iron Balcony
- Be an Opinion Dominion Minion!
- ... and Fel
- His brilliant career - from whale sushi to crumbed prawn
- Jo Blogs
- Yet another Tim
- Was two peas, now three peas
- ... Still Life - now with extra rotating cats!
- An Amazingly Awesome Australian Ampersand!
- Blink and you'll miss 'er
- Red in the land of the tigers!
- Wire of Vibe
- Chase him, ladies, he's in the cavalry!
- The Non-palindromical Editrix in Germanium
- Old Sterne
- The briefs...
- ... and the brieflets
- The Purple Blog
- Blairville, lair of all that is wicked and perfidious
- The enticingly acronymical CSH
- EXTREEEEEEEME WYNTER!
- Mark of California
- Silent Speaking
- Lexicon the Mexican
- ► 2016 (71)
- ► 2015 (106)
- ► 2014 (135)
- ► 2013 (173)
- Crimbo Australiana
- The moon must die
- An oestrogen and run incident
- Questions for year 12 students
- A productive day at work
- Help! Help! There's tomato juice leaking out of my...
- The appreciative drunkard
- Short poem
- The thunking of thinks
- The fable of the five bricks
- Three complicated technical operations that I have...
- Unfascinating fascinators
- Important thought for these complicated times
- The student essay, now with less gorm
- Reporter speaks in front of superimposed image
- The procession of the proceedings in the due cours...
- ▼ November (17)
- ► 2011 (261)
- ► 2010 (288)
- ► 2009 (290)
- ► 2008 (316)
- ► 2007 (392)
- ► 2006 (373)
- ► 2005 (287)