A cold, impassive poem neither for nor against Australia written this Australia Day.
FACTS ABOUT AUSTRALIA
Australia is a land and a continent in the southern hemisphere.
It bears resemblance, faintly, to a headless camel in a fight with an inverted pyramid.
And there is also Tasmania.
As a nation it is only just over one hundred years old,
Which is actually quite impressive
In a meaningless statistical kind of way,
And it gets even better.
We wear our clothes conventionally,
Except for the exceptions.
Trousers in the vast majority of cases are worn in the ordinary manner,
Only more so.
Some of us have hair.
We belong to a variety of races and sexes and creeds
What is the meaning of 'Australia'?
This question has perplexed many great philosophers
Who have pondered the problem and come up with a diversity of hypothetical difficulties
Which arise from Kantian phenomenology,
Although we don't want to get into that at the moment.
Which is not to say it is a bad thing, a good thing,
Or just a thing thing,
Which is not to say that it isn't.
But it is usually agreed that 'Australia' is the name for Australia.
(See me after class if there are any difficulties.)
Do Australians dream?
It is alleged that it seems likely that in all probability they do,
Of the wind and the stars, of the streets and the forests and the elements,
But I could not possibly comment.
In Australia there are many trees.
One plus one in Australia is commonly accepted to add up to two.
The laws of gravity work in a conventional manner.
Also, there is Tasmania.
These are just a few facts about Australia.
Tim, your links stink, you fink!
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- The briefs...
- ... and the brieflets
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