Friday, February 04, 2005

Cover Story

"Don't judge a book by its cover," they say. Huh. Next time they'll be telling us that you shouldn't judge a person by appearances. I bet the people who say this are fat, blonde, and walk about wearing shirts saying, 'I am a big fat dumb blonde person who doesn't know what they're saying'.
I mean, let's face it, in the world of publishing as it is today, with the streamlining of different genres and authors, covers have become more and more important. I mean, if you don't judge a book by its cover, what are you going to judge it by? It's weight? It's contents? Don't make me laugh!

Judging a Book By Its Cover #1

Look at me, this cover is saying. I am big. I am black. I have several important looking vowels and consonants on me, and I have an attractive futuristic-art feel to me. I will look ever-so-valuable sitting there on the shelf, and if your cousins ask you why you don't read science-fiction any more, you can just clobber them over the head with me.
But, you ask, can you read me? Can you read me?

Jingle jingle jaunted jingling.

Coin rang. Clock clacked.

Avowal. Sonnez. I could. Rebound of garter. Not leave thee. Smack. La cloche! Thigh smack. Avowal. Warm. Sweetheart, goodbye!

Jingle. Bloo.

Exactly. If you wanted to get a book for its contents, go out and get the train timetable. It's cheaper, smaller, much easier to understand, and it's cover is much uglier.

Buy me. Buy me now.


Pastorius said...

I couldn't agree with you more.


The Lioness said...

I DO judge a book by its cover, and of course I judge people based on their appearance as well, we all do and those who say they don't are lying - and I have Ethology to prove it, HA! Ulysses, couldn't read it, bah. And I did read Trainspotting in English and that Scottish dialect is a bit of a hassle so don't think it's my English failing me, it just bored me, couldn't get past the first few pages. What, must appreciate it just bcs it's a classic? NO.

the UNPOPULIST said...

ENgilsh m()jor.

Darlene Taylor said...

Reading books.

Hmmmm, interesting concept.

That book cover says to me, "I am boring and since I didn't bother trying neither should you".

Morphess said...

The good thing about this book is that someone HAS read it - or at least scuffed it up in their backpack during their gap year, leaving on cafe tables so that other backpackers will think they are smart. You can do the same!
Put it on your book shelf and everyone will think you are clever. No one has actually read any Joyce so,if questioned, you can make up any old bollocks you like.

FusterCluck said...

What the hell was that ? It sounded like Vogon poetry

The Flea said...

Tim, that was one of your best posts ever. Don't get me wrong, I'm one of the wankers who actually has read Joyce, but I still understand exactly what you're saying.

Giggldy thump thwap, my friend

vague said...

I also happen to be one of those asshats who has read that book, but trust me I hated every minute of it. Well, at least half of them.

Anyway, I find that it's best to save books like that for clubbing imbeciles. Proust is also good for that. Always handy.

The Flea said...

Haha . . . I've read Proust too!! God -- maybe I should be clubbed eh?

The Flea said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Flute said...

Too true, I'm a bit of an art fart lefty wanker (as your regular readers may say), but shit on a brick Joyce is tough going. My preferred reading is an instruction manual for putting together an Ikea built in wardrobe.

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