Rapacious Murdoch Empire Annihilates Another Feisty Small Business, Blood, Guts Spilled

Rapacious Media Hegemonsters Rupert Murdoch and Kerry Packer claimed another scalp today: The Chaser, one of Australia's only print satirical publications, has folded.

Julian Morrow, one of the founders, is quoted: "We failed despite a complete lack of competition 1, sense of humour, writing quality, and a pathetic reliance upon lame Onion-style headlines. That is, if you ignore the wide variety of humorous, amusing, entertaining, laughter-causing, giggle-inducing, satirical and parodic publications on the internet, which you should."

Upon hearing of the closure of The Chaser, Rupert Murdoch said, "Good. Now I can go back to repressing the third-world, destroying the environment, living my unsustainable lifestyle, and eating babies. 2"

1. Only first part of quote true, although all of it is accurate
2. Accuracy rating in this quote: approximately % 0.000001