Saturday, November 25, 2006

Oh No, I Voted For a Politician

It's the state election here in Victoria, and I thought I'd take this opportunity to explain some of the lesser known terms and concepts to Australian democracy.

Election Roll

The Election Roll is a ceremony undertaken by the winning candidate after all the votes are counted. It's an eccentric practice, bizarre, and often frankly barbaric; and therefore eminently suitable to Australian Democracy.

Alfred Deakin takes part in a roll down the hill in the early 20th century.

Political Party

A Political Party will occasionally join together to try to turn a person into a politician. The process of person turning to politician is a dangerous one, and often irreversible: indeed, some politicians die that way. However, with gentle reassurance and care, they can gradually be turned back to normal people.

Many parties are in fact almost indistinguishable, including Labor, Liberal, the Democrats, the Democratic Labor Party, and the Liberal Democratic Party. As a matter of fact, about the only party with clear policies is the little known Party For The Worship of Gaknor The Magnificient, which stands on a platform of Death, Destruction, a Reign of Blood, Fire, Torment, and More Public Transport, which is why I voted for them.

Photograph from recent campaign launch by the Party For The Worship of Gaknor The Magnificient.

Opinion Pole

The Opinion Pole is a Polish person who lives in St Kilda, a suburb of Melbourne. He has no idea about Australian politics, or any other politics, for that matter, but for some reason, the newspapers keep on running columns by him. No-one knows why.

The Opinion Pole in traditional Melbourne costume.


Tim said...

I also voted for Gaknor and I'm pleased to see there was a 0.00002% swing in his favour. If he campaigns hard he could easily be Premier/Supreme Overlord in another four years.

Anonymous said...

Hahaha this is the funniest thing I have read in a long time. 100 cool points to you, Tim!

Anonymous said...

What are your thoughts on this proposed political party?

Are they or will they be any different to the others?

Anonymous said...

TimT said...

Tim, we both hope and dream of that day when Gaknor wins the balance of power.

You flatter me, Mish! I was actually dog-tired when I wrote this, but I'm glad you liked it.

Anon - saw your link on Vibewire ... I'll take another look at the idea later and post my thoughts.

Rachy said...

Speaking of poles, here is one of my favourite jokes...

It is the year 2030 and the European Union are having their Olympics. An official walks up to a gentleman and asks him,

"Are you a polevaulter?"

and he replies with a confused look on his face,

"No, I'm German!"

Well, at least I think it's funny.

Email: timhtrain - at -

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