Bad morning, everyone. I'm at work - just got here at two minutes to seven. First thing I know, I'm greeted by the leering visages of the Channel Nine morning show presenters and their fatuous quizzes. This morning, apparently, they are asking their viewers,
What is your favourite piece of useless information?
Useless information? Feck off!
I can't wait for lunch. Then I'm going to slouch off up the street with my copy of Tory magazine The Spectator and weep at the downfall of western civilisation.
I'm not even in a bad mood - it just feels good to sound cranky. I hope you all have a day as good as mine, if not even worse!
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Tim, your links stink, you fink!
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Email: timhtrain - at - yahoo.com.au
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9 comments:
Re "McCrappy Day", have you ever thought about applying to McDonald's for a position as poet-in-residence? I'm just in the process of drafting a similar application to Ikea.
Excellent idea. I think my first major work for them will be an expressionist re-interpretation of Stephen King's 'Salem's Lot' set in the McFlurry stands...
What if I never woke up because I never went to sleep? Now it is 5:12 am South African time and I feel lousy. Getting too old to see the sun rise without having loads of alcohol/snogging/combination of aforementioned in my system.
Anyway, I wrote you a story. Proceed with caution towards me blog...
In those circumstances, I'm too tired to be cranky, but I try.
Great story! I can link to Redsaid at work again, hooray!
There is a deeply disturbing idiocy around the idea that there exists such a thing as information that is "useless", and an even greater level of idiocy around the idea that people have "favorite" motes of this "useless" information, much in the way that they might have a favorite pet goldfish, or a favorite t-shirt.
BTW - how do we find Red's story???
Much useless information is in fact misinformation, such as 'goldfish only have a memory span of 5 seconds' . Even so, in some situations, it is still quite useful - as generations of lazy stand-up comedians and comic writers have found out.
Red's story can be found at her blog (she's in my list of links) at www.redsaid.net. Highly recommended reading!
Though just to make myself clear(er), the piece of useless information that lazy stand-up comedians rely upon is usually that anecdote about goldfish only having 5 seconds of memory. Which is absolute crap.
(The finest rendition of the joke about the goldfish not remembering its own trip around the bowl, incidentally, was given recently in one of the columns of Peter Ryan in Quadrant, but he should have known better than to modify an old comedy routine for his own literary purposes - especially one that is manifestly untrue.)
Given that your point is quite correct, what they should have asked is:
"Which bits of total nonsense do you believe and repeat to others on a regular basis, so as to punctuate life with total crap, thereby contributing to the idiocy of the human race?"
Of course, anyone who has ever owned gold fish can tell you that they definitely have memories.
They get dreadfully excited when they see their little food container, swimming up to the surface, opening and closing their little mouths in readiness for dinner time. If one forgets to feed them, they offer a reminder by carrying out this performance when the human presence is in the vague vicinity of their water home.
They also come and say hello when you have a look at them, being quite sociable.
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