Seven ways to say "Happy New Year"

1) As a demand
Walk down the footpath staring right ahead, as if you are going to go straight past the people walking the other way. At the last moment, turn your head to them and bark at them, "Happy New Year!" They will reply obediently, if not willingly.

2) As a mantra
Stand by sadly watching the fireworks go off, repeating the words over and over again in a melancholy tone. It helps to have a few drinks in you so that you get in the right mood (sorrowful drunk).

3) As a football chant
Growl it, howl it, shout it, holler it to everyone on the street, whether they care to hear it or no. This works best if you do it right in their ear.

4) Drive-by shooting
Get a designated driver. If you don't have a designated driver, any old drunk will do. Get them to speed down the middle of the busy city street. Stick your head out of the left-hand window and holler it mindlessly down the cavernous alleys and lanes.

5) As a simple wish
Shut up your shop for the day, and say the three words easily and casually at the last customers as they file out. Perhaps have one half corner of your mouth turn up in a satisfied smile (which half, depends on the weather.)

6) With a hat (a personal favourite)
Smile at one or two people as you go by, wait until they wish you it, then lift the hat off your head in brief greeting and offer it as a cheerful reply, or holy benediction (depending on whether you are an ordinary person, or priest, in that order).

7) On your blog
Happy New Year!