Monday, June 01, 2009

Random comments of a chaotic nature

I'm not sure why it is, but every time I get into a work of a Monday, I feel incredibly tired. It doesn't matter how wakeful and chipper I am before arriving - the minute those doors close behind my back, I start yawning like crazy. The clattering of the keyboards and the sound of telephones ringing has an amazing soporific effect on me; they're like some kind of lunatic lullaby. I want nothing more than to lay my head down on my keyboard and sleep. You'd think that, refreshed and relaxed after the weekend's rest, I'd be roaring like a young lion, going hither and yon and killing people to improve workplace productivity, but no - quite the contrary. As a matter of fact, just thinking about work a few minutes ago, a second round of yawning was set off. It's only because my attention was diverted at the last moment by a banana that I was able to ward off sleep.

And look! Here! Cadbury seriously think that less chocolate is better than more chocolate, and that they can turn purple into green. I mean, this is ludicrous. If they can turn more into less, and purple into green, then they'll also be able to find a round white peg that is black and hammer it into a square hole one fine day in the middle of the night, with the job performed by two dead men who happened to have been the daughters of a flying pig's monkey's uncle. Cadbury needs help. Perhaps they should eat some of these.

Brown Dog has been lolloping and loping happily around his yard every time I go past it, but apparently he's been receiving several other guests than me. One old chap stopped to pat Brown Dog just as I was giving him my attentions, said several things to him in Greek, then said to me that he called Brown Dog 'Bludger'. He does seem to do a bit of bludging. I wonder if you bludge long and hard enough, you can become a bludgeon?

This has been a random post from Tim.


lauredhel said...

It's worse than that - they've dropped the cocoa solids, and added a bunch of "vegetable fat" (likely palm oil).

Dale Slamma said...

Dear Tim,

Thank you for your random post. I will now make a random comment. Rice cooked with soy milk, sugar and vanilla is surprisingly comforting after boxing for an hour.

TimT said...

Lauredhel - My God - Cadbury chocolate, now with less chocolate, too.

Dale, not a huge fan of soy milk but I'm a sucker for sweet stuff, I'll give this recipe a burl at the first available opportunity.

Dan said...

But do you notice that as soon as you leave the office on Monday your full of beans and ready to slay dragons again?

I suspect this is a "workplace fatigue syndrome" that is being covered up by our employers.

forlorn said...

I have nothing to say other than please include regular updates on your growing relationship with Brown Dog!

I envy my cat her bludging every morning when I see her sitting on the pillow beside my head in the cat-show pose. She prefers to bludgeon verbally, however (did you notice my earlier remark about bludgeoning?).

TimT said...

I'm sure I did, then filed it away to that corner of my memory where I wasn't conscious of it anymore, then recycled it as I was looking at Brown Dog. (I remember very clearly having the thought, 'Can Bludgers turn into Bludgeons?')

I'm reading a poem of mine tonight for a competition that begins 'Get me the salive of MacGyver', and just realised that I probably stole this from Clive James - 'Get me the sweat of Gabriella Sabatini'. I wonder how often I do this?

forlorn said...

Yes, that must be it. I was just a little startled as you seemed to have a reference to one of my comments in the post before. I wondered if I was being sent a secret code! And then there was the dream this morning, which confused me for quite a few seconds. Did you have a series of dreams like this about all 200 odd people you're friends with on facebook or was the figure an assemblage of everyone's faces?

I think everyone has half-memories in the back of their head when they're writing from time to time. I'm very sorry I can't hear your MacGyver poem. Will you be posting it here? I immediately thought of Laurence Leung's MacGyver episode (I loved that show- very charming and also moving in its subtle way).

TimT said...

Wasn't going to post it - but here it is!

Get me the saliva of MacGyver -
The beads of sweat that break upon his chest,
The perfume from his armpits. I request
To float upon the odour of his breath,
To pluck the manly stubble from his chin,
And weave a woollen blanket to sleep in.
Get me his toenails and his fingernails;
Cut out his eyebrows and his lashes fine.
I want his navel lint: so make it mine.
I want the absolute, the undilute,
The chromosomal essence of the man.
I'll keep it bedside: in a little can.
And when I have enough, I'll make a bath,
A pool, an ocean of his DNA -
I'll swim within MacGyver all the day!
Drenched in the stench of his testosterone,
I'll dive down drunkly, drink him drop by drop,
Absorb him through my pores, I will not stop
Til I emerge: in Holy Technicolour,
A new MacGyver, sensuous and sleek:
And that concludes MacGyver for the week.

It is, er, irreverent. But did you notice the iambic pentameter? Did you? Did you?

forlorn said...

I must admit that I was too distracted by the extraordinary content to give the skilful deployment of iambic pentameter its due- but perhaps it was so skilful as to be unobtrusive. I like the way you explore the full gamut of obsessive fandom- from wanting to have an affair with MacGyver to wanting to kill him and dismember the body to finally wanting to become him.

Trying very hard now not to be distracted for the rest of the day by the somewhat unsettling image of a Frankenstein's monster made from the combination of you and MacGyver.

TimT said...

I hadn't thought about it that way... though I suppose in order to harvest the DNA MacGyver some kind of dismembering might be technically necessary. I was more interested in the paradoxical request for a television characters DNA, though of course in front of a somewhat insober bunch of people tonight, I might not be able to explain such niceties as paradoxes or iambics.

In fact I wrote this several weeks ago and haven't thought about it much since. We'll see how they like it tonight!

forlorn said...

I like it very much. It is very suggestive, but maybe in a way that you would have to be sober to appreciate.

Good luck tonight and have a drink for me!

sue said...


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