Thursday, July 02, 2009

The dangers of inanimate objects

When will people do something about the dangers of attack and or/homicide committed upon humans by inanimate objects? Why, just in the past few days, I have:

1) Become subject to a savage and unprovoked attack upon my foot by a wall, while I was walking along and minding my own business (my business being in the opposite direction of the wall);

2) Almost been pulled under the desk by the octopus-like coils of cords and tentacles that are attached to the office computer system, perhaps to be strangled and suffocated by said coils;

3) Been brutally elbowed by the sharp-edge of a column;

4) Been shaken off my balance by a street gutter, which happened to be lurking at a level below the street, waiting for me to fall into its devious trap.

Life is full of perils and dangers at the best of times. Murderers lurk, waiting to leap upon us and throttle the very life from our throats; fearsome beasts stalk us in the dark, planning to make us their prey. These are the grim facts of our existence. But even worse are the perils posed to us by inaminate objects: for they entrap us in being exactly what we expect them to be. What could be more surprising than the base at the bottom of the stairway which we step into, expecting our foot to fall upon another stair? Or the lamp post which so smugly and coyly lurks in just the spot it has always lurked, knowing that we are about to lurch into it at any second? These inanimate objects do not even do anything to attack us: no, the danger inheres in the simple fact of their being.

Who will save us from the horrifying and dreadful attacks of inanimate objects?


Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

I'm not sure who'll save us, but having read this, I'd be especially wary of any pillar of the community who offered his or her services! The Ulterior Motive remains the blackguard's loyal companion. Beware!

Dan the VespaMan said...

Don't forget the footpaths that appear flat and even but are in fact trying to trip you up and cause a nasty tumble. It happened to me and I'm certain I heard a stifled snigger emanating from the concrete.

Is this just a cry for attention from the inanimate world?

TimT said...

Quite so, Nottlesby. I shall carry this warning with me at all times, like a veritable badge.

Dan, I fear it is juvenile - very juvenile - delinquency. We should understand why the inaminate objects are doing this, but make it very clear to them that it is not on. Clear limits. That's what these inanimate objects need.

Email: timhtrain - at -

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