Friday, January 14, 2011


"Physicists! Why do they get to have all the fun? With their whizz-bang particle accelerators that spend all their time whizzing particles around and banging them into others? Why can't philosophers have a bit of fun? Why doesn't someone ever think of the philosophers, hmm?

I know - why can't philosophers have a... a... a... concept accelerator, which deploys all the tools of modern technology and whizz-bang stuff to, you know, whizz concepts and thoughts and notions and ideas and whims and smoosh them all into one another to form a gigantic ball of conceptual smooshiness, whereupon they would EXPLODE and, you know, do whatever ideas do then.

You might argue that this is exactly what the grey mushy matter in our heads known as a 'brain' does, but no! I want a concept accelerator that is as big as a particle accelerator! I want a titanic grey mushy organic thing that spans continents, and accelerates the largest thoughts in the world around at the speed of light! THAT would be cool. The physicists wouldn't look so smug then."

This is what I said to the roomful of philosophers standing around at the party with all their thoughts and their latest developments in epistomological conceptualisms and their -ishs and their -itions and their -isms and whatever. Whereupon the roomful of philosophers stared blankly at me for a few awkward seconds before going back to talking about what they were talking about before, and I turned my attention to the plateful of uneaten chips.

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