Friday, February 25, 2011

How to spell 'hmm' in seventeen syllables

There are some things I quite like about my job. These things usually are completely unrelated to things customers and clients might be interested in, problems like the correct way of spelling words that have been made up on the spot by Doctor Seuss, or finding the name of a back street in an obscure country town, ideally in the most unimportant and uninhabited state or territory possible. There's something about the obscurity, pointlessness, and absurdity of these tasks that delights me.

Then there are the other things, such as, for example, the Personwhogoesontheradioeventhoughtheydon'tknowwhatthey'retalkingaboutandbeginstotalkaboutit-anyway - at great length. Oh, I'm sure you know who I'm talking about; every place in the world has a few examples. Those Personswhogoontheradioetc are pretty bloody annoying, I have to say.

But they can have unexpected uses.

Awkward Answers To Radio Questions - a haiku sequence

Well, you know, sort of,
I gather that, actually,
You know, you see, no.

Yes, you see, the thing
Is, as you know, um, sort of...
Pardon me, er, no.

Of course, actually,
Obviously, as it is,
I don't really know.

As I was saying,
You know, without a doubt....
What were you asking?

(Pauses for sixteen syllables)

That's a really good
Question. I'll read that report
And get back to you.

Ah, well, ooh, ha ha,
Um, hmm, er, let's see, you know,
Ah... ah... ah... well... no.

Oh, sorry. I've run
Out of time. Lovely to
Be on your program.

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Me person. Live in world. Like stuff. Need job. Need BRAINS! (DROOLS IN THE MANNER OF ZOMBIES) Ergggggh ...