Tuesday, February 15, 2011

With single minded pedantry, waging a war against the entirety of the world in general

Is there any technology more irritating than iTunes, the iPod, the iPad, the iPhone, the iBook, and the various other devices that start with 'i'? Not only are they supremely confusing devices that leave me utterly confuddled when I wonder what they are for, but their names give the 'i', the symbol of narcissism, pride of place, and their spelling is incorrect. I don't care so much about the first bit - I have very little idea about quite a lot really, and it doesn't bother me. What does a cloud do when it's not raining? I have no idea, but at least its name is spelled correctly.

But anyway, back to


The capital letter isn't where it's supposed to be, there is no space between the 'i' and the next word, and what, exactly, is the difference between all these things anyway?

"The iPad is a tablet computer designed, developed and marketed by Apple primarily as a platform for audio-visual media including books, periodicals, movies, music, games, and web content."


"An iPhone functions as a video camera, camera phone with text messaging and visual voicemail, a portable media player, and an Internet client with e-mail, web browsing, and both Wi-Fi and 3G connectivity."

So they're completely different and unique and also share almost all their completely different and unique functions with one another, AND their name is a spelling mistake and they appear to have no purpose. Apart from that, I suppose, they're wonderful.

And, God help us, in the UK they actually have released a newspaper just called 'i'. Apparently they want to get that single letter of the alphabet declared a spelling mistake, and banish it from the language forever. Maybe it's part of a subtle war against egotism after all?

Doubtful, say I.

There's even some examples of non-existent contraptions with nonsensical purposes that we could talk about here. For instance, a wigwam for a goose's bridle. It doesn't exist, and I have no idea what specific part in plays in the bridling of the goose. But I'm damn sure it's spelled correctly - it's even in the dictionary:

// (say 'wigwom)
phrase a wigwam for a goose's bridle, Colloquial a jocular name given to an object or activity which one is unable or unwilling to identify. [modification of obsolete whim-wham, with reference to something totally fanciful, that is, a decoration for a goose's bridle]


Vulpine said...

iJust don't know. iDespair.

Alexis, Baron von Harlot said...

iTa Buttrose.

TimT said...

If we're going to go around blatantly violating the rules of grammar and spelling, then surely we can start it with a more tasteful letter. Such as...

tVulpine, thank you for your thoughtful feedback! tAnd same to you, Baron! tIt's time tiTa was given her due!

Caz said...

iCaz thinks iTim is onto something.

I would posit that the pending abolition of narcissism as a defined mental health condition was initiated by Steve Jobs.

For all things Apple, the preface "O" might have been more descriptive, as in "oh" - phone?

Or, for the grammatically correct, "A" ... aphone?

TimT said...

I think Oprah's already got the use of 'O' at the start of names patented. Either her or the Irish...

Caz said...

Damn it, she has too!

I should have recognised that it had a familiar ring to it ...

Word Verification: Ophod

Alexis, Baron von Harlot said...


TimT said...

If Oprah ever takes on the Irish over copyright they'll have to change a lot of names - I'Reilly, I'Malley, I'Rourke, I'Donnaugh...

Caz said...

Ooooh, nice pick ups you two.

Or should that be iiiih pick ups?

TimT said...

Take the O out of Shakespeare and you mightn't be left with much:

O for a muse of fire that would ascend
The very brightest heavens of invention...

Princes orgulous...

O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo...

In fact the presence of the O (twice) in Romeo's name probably wasn't a coincidence. Whole thesis have probably been written on it.

Email: timhtrain - at -

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