Sunday, July 17, 2011

An open letter to the Universe

Dear Universe, just a little request. Would you be able to stop holding other events on Saturday afternoons, 2-5? That's when I have the Dan O'Connell poetry readings to go to, you see.

Universe, I know you can do this. Saturdays being on the weekend, naturally, they're quite popular, but there are lots of other times on the weekend, apart from Saturday afternoons, 2-5! There's the Saturday evening, for instance, a very nice and excellent time to be holding other events in general. Saturday morning is pretty good too; I personally recommend it - a fine time, full of a feeling of adventure and heartiness, and it would seem to be a perfectly splendid candidate for a couple of events.

Or, how about this, Universe: you could hold more events in the evenings of the week as well! I'm sure you could space them out nicely. Tuesday nights seem pretty good. Wednesday evenings, well, for some reason that seems to be pretty full up already, but I think you could slot a few more events in there already. Why slot events in that Saturday afternoon timeslot, after all, when you've got 6 other lovely days to consider?

Universe, you've done a lot for us to be grateful for in the eternity of past and future time and the vast endlessness of space. You've bought us wonderful things, such as pi to an infinite number of decimal spaces, the beauty of mountain ranges as the soft evening sunset falls upon them, the sublimity of stars, the works of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, and stories about unicorns. They're great, really.

But if you could avoid holding events on a Saturday afternoon that are not the Dan O'Connell Poetry readings I'd be most grateful.



Mitzi G Burger said...

Dear Tim,
the proud spirit of the late Daniel O'Connell has supported your request for cancelling all extraneous events at the time specified on Saturdays. Unfortunately due to pressing demands on the universal calendar, and the popularity of your proposed time-slot, we are pre-committed to a range of must-attends for many, namely: AFL fixtures, sprinklings of holy water on the unsuspecting heads of infants and the creasing of foreheads in front of intallations at a variety of art galleries. The proud spirit of the late Richard Wagner has applied to us with a sub-clause: when the Dan O'Connell is fitted out to stage a full production of his Ring Cycle, then we The Universe will be able to cancel all other events in the requested time-slot.
Yours serenly, The Universe

TimT said...

Dear Universe,
I'll see what I can do, but thank you for your response.

I am working on a future request, with the general theme: 'Donuts: why does everyone make the ones with icing and hundreds and thousands on top when we all know it's only the ones with cinnamon and sugar on top that are any good?' I'm sure you'll be able to do something about that one.

Email: timhtrain - at -

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