Thursday, September 12, 2013

A proposal for an excellent new sport

What a fine sport quibbling would be, it occurred to me the other day, and of course nothing would have stopped me leaping up there and then to tell you all about it but for the fact that right at that moment the cat settled down on my lap for a nap and stayed there for the next two weeks and I was reduced to chewing on my own beard for nourishment and when she finally got up I had to stumble into the kitchen for a glass of water. But now I'm here! Hurrah!

But quibbling would undoubtedly make an excellent sport, Olympic or otherwise. I'm not sure what it would involve. Something with balls? And nets*? And racquets or bats** of some sort? Anyway, I'll leave that all up to the commentators, as well as the rules and the length and other minor details. I can, however, suggest some of the other moves this excellent sport would have: the 'niggle', of course, an important manouvre that all quibblers would have to learn; the 'haggle' (an advanced sort of 'niggle'? Or vice versa?) The 'finagle' would be something for very advanced practitioners of 'niggling' and 'haggling', probably, whereas the 'persnickety snitch' would be a rather specialised tactic only allowable for certain members of the team - although that all rather depends on if there is going to be a team, which is really an unimportant point except, I suppose, if you aspire to the grand and noble sport of Olympic quibbling, (and you certainly should).

And other important moves - well, there would be the 'wangle', the 'pedantrick', and of course the potentially game-ending 'fussbudget'. No idea what any of these are, but they all sound very grand and inspiring, yes? Really, I can't understand why the game isn't taught to kids at schools now. It would do them so much good.

Okay, I'll go and place myself back underneath the cat again....

*Or, as N. said when I suggested the sport of quibbling to him, 'it would involve the players moving the net'. 
**Or maybe racquets that look like apostrophes?

1 comment:

TimT said...

The Baron says this idea was hers and gives me a very good reason why. She would make a fine quibbler.

Email: timhtrain - at -

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