Extra! Extra!

"I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY DID IT, BUT THEY DID IT."
Melbourne traveller loses rack during flight home


Ms. K___ S___, Shocked, of Melbourne.

Ms. K___ S___, travelling home after holidaying in northern England, was astonished to find that staff of Untied Airilnes lost her rack mid-flight!
"I had it when I stepped on the plane, but when I stepped off, it was gone!" said Ms. K___ S___, now safe at her Melbourne home, but still astonished.
The loss of her rack was explained by Untied Airilines staff as 'an understandable mix-up'.
"Statistics show that every year, 0.01% of travellers lose their rack, their cleavage, or their figure during the flight home," explained Mr. A. Dubiousfigures, publicity spokesman for Untied Airilnes. "While we regret Ms. S___ loss of rack, we are working hard to find it again, and I'm sure it will be returned to her sooner or later."
But Ms. S___ is not amused. "I don't know how they did it, but they did it," she explains. "They'd better send it back or else!"

A shocking record
Investigations performed by WillTypeForFood demonstrate that of all the airlines, Untied has by far the worst record as regards luggage.

- A respected Sydney doctor was returning to his home with an OBE for a friend at the IGA - but when he arrived at Sydney airport and picked up his luggage, he found that it had turned into an IOU for the IRA!

- Returning from a holiday in Bali, a Queensland resident found that not only his luggage was missing - but also his mind! A spokesperson for Untied baggage handlers, Janine Butterfingers, later said "It's not that surprising. I mean, our staff lose their minds all the time - it's pretty natural, really - so losing someone else's mind was a natural mistake." Two weeks later, the mind was returned to the Queensland resident in perfect working disorder.

- Even more shockingly, an Untied pilot took a wrong turn during a flight to North America, and ended up landing in East Korea after flying over the Specific Ocean. It took several weeks for international rescue to find the country of East Korea, which did not actually exist.

Back at the ranch
However, manager for Untied Airilnes, Mr Dys Lexic, denies all claims of wrongdoing.
"These are natural mistakes." he said in an interview.
"Anyone could make them."
"Now, would you like you tea with one or two cucumbers? And shall I put some cream in your sandwiches, or do you prefer them without?"
Investigations into the airline are continuing.

(With apologies to RC and BC, who have had an unfortunate real-life experience with a similar airline...)