Thursday, January 18, 2007

They're Not Evil, They're Misunderstood

This is a picture of an Auton, a mass murderering store mannequin bent on world domination.

Your first instinct would obviously be to run screaming and hide, quivering, under the bed, but look closer:

The flat, expressionless face; the eyes that register no emotion: this Auton is showing all the classic signs of Autism.

With a little love and attention, and a tolerant education system, it is entirely likely that this mass murderer bent on world domination would have developed into a fully functioning member of your society. He could have been an accountant, a lecturer in mathematics, or just about anything, really! Indeed, there may be many Autons working in your office that have been stopped from attempting murder and world domination at an early age. Or at least stopped from attempting one of them.

Here is another example:

At first, it looks like this creature - a Sontaran - is up to no good: he's probably getting ready to capture and torture some humans as part of a draconian alien experiment. However, after a more unbiased examination, it becomes clear that this Sontaran's evil ways are merely compensation for his deformed features. Look at how fat his face is! He was probably teased at school all the time. I think we all need to feel a little compassion for all the little potato-heads (like this Sontaran must have been) at school. After all, those chubby little chubsters could one day grow up into chubby huge chubsters, bent on capturing and torturing you! A little compassion could go a long way.

Here's an Alzarian Swamp Beast. In the case of this critter, I think it's fairly clear that sublimated sexual desire has led to its vicious, swamp-dwelling ways:

If only he had found someone to kiss and love him, maybe things would have turned out all right.

I mean, would a hug really go astray?

Show a little love, people. It wouldn't hurt you, would it?

UPDATE! - There may be those who object, saying, 'Auton's have expressionless features because they are store mannequins'. Well, obviously, but that doesn't mean that store mannequins can't be autistic, does it? See, this is what I mean - this is exactly the sort of thing that gets misunderstood all the time. Shame on you for even thinking such a thing! If an Auton kills you, don't come running to me for help!


Anonymous said...

i'd like to ask for your blog's hand in marriage. please don't be cruel. please recognise that I AM IN LOVE WITH YOUR BLOG

Anonymous said...

Don't listen to Debbie, she has a VAGUELY DEFINED WEAPON concealed in her fake plastic hand!

Only trust real plastic hands. Thankyou. Now I have to go smear Vaseline(TM) over some Glad Wrap(TM) and stuff it in a fishtank so I can convince people I'm breeding an alien.

"I don't know if that makes me a doctor or a vet but it's still my job to look after him!"

Anonymous said...

Dear Debbie,

In the unlikely event that your generous offer is rejected (that old "vaguely defined weapon" slander has been known to thwart true love before), you are cordially invited to come and marry my blog. It's a polyamorous hermaphrodite, so the more the merrier.


L. Harlot
Marriage Broker

p.s.: please forward particulars of your dowry and other settlements.

TimT said...


It seems like only yesterday this blog was a little toddler, going off to blog pre-school, and now it's getting MARRIED!

I think there's something in my eye...


Caz said...

If you're expecting me to wear an apricot coloured bride's maid dress, you can just think again buddy boy!

Anonymous said...

How frightfully exciting! Shall I have Horrocks iron my cummerbund and polish my shoes? Shall I have Scullion starch my collar, and the town barber summon'd to the Manor to trim the Nottlesby whiskers and moustaches?

Has somebody told the Vicar? After all, Banns will need to be sounded forthwith!

TimT said...

I haven't been so excited since the last time I've been so excited. It's late, that's all I can think of to say. Time for hot toddy and bed, methinks.

Email: timhtrain - at -

eXTReMe Tracker

Blog Archive