Employment pages

Non-Sequitary (PT)

The Coburg Non-Sequitarial Agency is currently accepting applications for the position of Non-Sequitary for a leading media company. You must be strongly qualified in typing, filing, computers, banking, accounts, taking meeting minutes, shorthand, and isn't that a nice tie being worn by Mr Jones today? I don't think Mr Jones has worn a tie like that before, do you think Mrs Jones bought it for him?

Call Sidney at the Non-Sequitarial Agency to discuss the job, other opportunities available in the world of non-sequitarial employment, training options, and isn't it nice weather we're having today?

Deceptionist (FT)

Front desk position. Duties including lying to the boss about the staff; lying to the staff about the boss; lying to clients about what the company sells; lying to the company about what clients are interested in; lying to the management about the staff, the boss, what the clients are interested in, and what the company sells; lying to the staff, boss, clients, and company about the profits the management aren't making; lying about the weather, lying about the news, lying about elephants, and lying about lying.

Our motto is that dishonesty and hypocrisy are the foundation of all modern business, and we must all stand by this!

Call Ms Maud Jenkins at Deceptions International now! 1800 ORISIT?

Quantum Mechanical Engineer (FT)

To become the head of the Postmodern Construction Agency, specialising in buildings that suddenly appear out of nowhere, offices that vanish just as suddenly (perfect for businesses who suddenly find that the tax office is just a little too interested in them), trains that get to the destination instantly (so long as you don't worry about how fast they're going), and train stations that don't exist (perfect for the budget-conscious Department of Transport, though a little troublesome for the passengers).

Very Personal Assistant (PT)

To assist the manager in the regular, day to day process of filing, meetings, meeting minutes, corporate lunches, management of corporate affairs, management of extra-marital affairs, management of clothes, underwear, baths, medical appointments, family disappointments, and bedroom. Looking for the right job applicant, with a view of upgrading the position to...

Too Personal Assistant (FT)

Duties include assisting manager with divorce proceedings, calling incessantly several times a day, leaving spiteful messages on his phone, possessing intimate photographs of the manager, assisting manager in protracted and spiteful court case, typing, and photocopying.

God (PT)

Your duties will include existing in an omniscient manner, smiting, blighting, and supervising the company collection of Plagues and Locusts.