Breaking news: film made

In what may prove to be a cultural turning point of the century, an affluent middle-class heterosexual male from an English-speaking background and Anglo-Celtic ancestry has successfully directed and brought to the screens his fourteenth film.

Media across the world have hailed this as a breakthrough fourteenth film for affluent middle-class heterosexual males from an English-speaking background and Anglo-Celtic ancestry of all types. A press statement from PM Kevin Rudd’s office reads: ‘Hopefully, this will encourage other affluent middle-class heterosexual males from an English speaking background and an Anglo-Celtic ancestry to go out there and make that fourteenth film at last, the one that comes right after their thirteenth film!‘

Meanwhile, the film has been released aross the country. It has received widespread acclaim from many important industry associations, including the South-Wyong Association of Gay and Lesbian First-Time Filmmakers from an Asiatic Background, who describe the achievement as ‘Amazing’ an ‘Significant’. They say: ‘Our heart goes out to all those aspiring fourteenth film directors who are also male, Anglo-Celtic, English speaking, heterosexual, and from an affluent middle-class background. Hopefully, that will inspire them to turn their drams of a fourteenth film into a reality!”

However, the Cooperative of Disabled Transexual Vegan Afro-Australian Lower-Class Independent Initial Filmmakers (south Geelong), and the Coalition of Narcotic-Addicted Third-World-Lower-Middle-Class-Bisexuals-with-a-mental-problem-first-time-filmmakers (West Wyalong), have teamed up with a loose affiliation of Jewish, Indigenous Australian, Indigenous American, Iranian, Islamic, Sumerian, Pacific Island, and south-west-south-east Asian first-time filmmakers (Shire of Bogan River) have released a joint statement saying, ‘It wasn’t a bad film. We had a good time. The popcorn was a bit expensive, though.’