Sunday, December 06, 2009

Absolutely right about everything, but otherwise open to disagreements

CANBERRA, MONDAY - After months of debate, Federal Parliament has finally cemented into place legislation that has been agitated for over the course of several years by some guy with a blog called Matt.

The EML (Everything Matt Likes) bill was passed by both sides of Parliament with only one dissenting vote from the Liberals and none from Labor and the Greens. Although some amendments were originally proposed by the National Party under the name of STSDAWMA (Stuff That Simon Doesn't Agree With Matt About) clause, they were eventually struck down by the Coalition whip.

Simon, as was revealed over the course of the months-long debate, was a guy who regularly commented on Matt's blog and got into arguments with Matt and other commenters over various points. However, after scrutiny by the media, his disagreements with the policy positions held by Matt and other commenters were found to be too unworkable, principally because Matt didn't agree with them.

Schemes for the Everything Matt Likes bill have been outlined over the course of several years on Matt's blog,

Although the EML bill is still to go before the Senate, it is expected that it will be passed before long and become part of Australian law before next election.

"Finally, we can rest easy, knowing that Australia is going down the right path - the path agitated for by years by some obscure commenter on the internet with a blog," said Prime Minister Kevin Rudd, in a press conference yesterday.

"I have had conversations with Matt, and I have found him a fair and reasonable person to work with," said Federal Opposition Leader Tony Abbott in reply to media questions, "especially when every single detail of every single policy passed in federal parliament is something that he agrees with."

The Everything Matt Likes bill, experts predict, will have important impacts upon Australian life. There are four major tranches to the Matt-based legislation:

- The JWATFROA (Just What Are Those Feminists Really On About) scheme;

- The LOGWBWRUSCWAP (Let's Outlaw Global Warming Before We're Really Up Shit Creek Without A Paddle) plan, basically enabling parliament to pass legislation outlawing global warming whenever they feel like it;

- The ANRFEIWSNIMBY (A Nuclear Reactor For Every Idiot Who Says Not In My Backyard) rule;

- And the LMAFLANSBMICIAS (Let's Make AFL A National Sport By Making It Compulsory In All Schools) plan.

Although quibbling over the details, almost all the experts interviewed for this article agree that, once the EML legislation is set into place, the world will become a utopian paradise. Australians concerned about how a utopian paradise may affect their way of life are urged to call up the hotline number, 1319 87, and speak to an expert in the Matt-inspired legislation.

However, one prominent expert disagreeing with Matt is Simon, who has decided, now that the Everything Matt Likes legislation has been set in place, to set up his own blog,

Matt is reportedly pleased about these developments, and is now wondering "what to do next" with his blog.


Dan the VespaMan said...

Sooo is Matt now our dark master overlord? Or is Simon going to raise a rebel army and seize control of the state?

Just so I know who I'm supposed be on my knee's grovelling to apologetically for my existence.

TimT said...

When questioned by our newspaper on details of the Matt-based legislation, Matt replied "I don't bloody care who you vote for as long as those bums in parliament do something sensible for a change." So there you go, we can expect no imminent dictatorships from that corner anytime soon.

Cam Black said...

heh - i was almost hoping you were gonna set up the blogs from the post. i even checked.

but i like this, by the way. :-)

Paul said...

You are one of the great minds at work in the country at the moment, Tim.

Mitzi G Burger said...

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TimT said...

Thanks all.

Cam, setting up the blogs mentioned in this post would be pretty crazily manically obsessive, and would be guaranteed to be an utterly pointless waste of time. So of course now I'm wondering why I didn't do it.

Email: timhtrain - at -

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