Copenhagen, eh? That sounds like a lot of fun. Let's see how events have ended up over there, why don't we?
Summary of events at the Copenhagen Summit.
Day One: Copenhagen is buzzing! Delegates begin to arrive. Emissions for the planes are offset by various schemes involving stock markets, private investment schemes, forestry subsidies, and moonshine. African leaders stage a walk out, but then realise that other world leaders haven't yet arrived, and take the rest of the day off. Day Two: Delegates eagerly begin to set out plans for future tensions and disagreements which they will use to break down further talks on the matter. Day Three: African leaders stage a walk out, to the applause and mutual satisfaction of all the delegates. Protesters stand outside in the Copenhagen cold singing their favourite Christmas carols, 'We are all guilty! Guilty! Guilty! The world's going to die!' Day Four: African Leaders stage a dramatic walk-in, causing uproar at the talks. Matters are resolved only when it is discovered that they walk in only to be able to stage a walk out again. Meanwhile, outside, protesters, having got their lungs ready, progress to singing polyphonic Bach chorales and seven-part fugues. Day Five: A protester holds up a protest banner that is actually witty, pithy, and pointed, but it is in an obscure Ural-Altaic dialect only spoken by him and his grandfather. He promptly dies of embarrassment. Phelim McAleer dresses up in a polar bear suit to make a point, but nobody can hear the point he is making because the polar bear suit gets in the way. In the conference, rousing applause greets a keynote speech by the delegate from Albania, until the other delegates discover that the Albanian delegate was just saying, in heavily accented German, "Please. I need to get to the toilet. Can you tell me where it is?" Day Six: A polar bear gets dressed up in a Phelim McAleer suit, and hands out pamphlets in a bid to alert people of the plight of endangered fat middle-aged political documentary makers, and how they could be affected by the climate crisis. Uproar at the conference as delegates discover that the carbon offsets for their plane flights could themselves have caused extra carbon emissions, and they agonise over how to offset their offsets, and, for that matter, offset their offsets offsets. Day Seven: Somewhere in the world, a little child cries. The Delegate for Tanzania, Mr M'wub M'wub, immediately claims that we must do something about climate change. Then he realises that he has just staged a walk out and thus nobody has heard a word that he has said. Day Eight: Top-level negotiations commence over where the world is to put in place an ETS, a CPRS, GHG reduction scheme, action by NGOs, or a combination of all the above, called ETSCPRSGHGRSNGO, which shortens to E. Al Gore arrives dressed as an emo and is immediately mobbed by protesters wanting to murder him. He reads out some poetry to them and immediately wins them over to his cause. Day Nine: Kevin Rudd arrives at the conference! For a change, all the other delegates join the African leaders and walk out. Out in the cold, protesters are in the middle of Gustav Mahler's epic Das Lied Von Erde, but start having disputes over an E flat. Day Ten: The polar bear and Phelim McAleer gang up and start eating the protesters. The carnage is horrible. They scream and writhe on the ground in the pain. Delegates in the Copenhagen conference look on the dreadful scene, shake one another's hands, and say they must meet again sometime. Then they pop down the street to get a nice cup of tea before catching their flights home. The end.
Tim, your links stink, you fink!
- John Bangsund's Threepenny Planet
- Broken Biro
- Poetry 24
- Superlative scribbles
- Kirstyn McD!
- Rorrim a tsomla almost a mirror
- More Sterne
- Cam the man from the Dan.
- Too hot to Raaaaaaandallllllll!
- Erin's Excellently Everlasting Effervescements!
- Slammy Infamy
- Hail Paco!
- Baron Blandwagon, purveyor of cyberbunnies, hawker of Roger Corman, and Misruler of the Multiverse
- The Bolta. Aiyeeeeee!!!!!
- Bad Apple Audrey
- The cartoon church
- Sir Martinkus
- A Zemblanian abroad and at home
- A hodge podge of hotzeplotz
- THE SLAMMA!
- Jottlesby's nottings, or should that be Nottlesby's jottings?
- The Snarking of the Hunt
- Jazzy Hands
- David of Metal City
- David the Barista
- The Blogger on the Cast Iron Balcony
- Be an Opinion Dominion Minion!
- ... and Fel
- His brilliant career - from whale sushi to crumbed prawn
- Jo Blogs
- Yet another Tim
- Was two peas, now three peas
- ... Still Life - now with extra rotating cats!
- An Amazingly Awesome Australian Ampersand!
- Blink and you'll miss 'er
- Red in the land of the tigers!
- Wire of Vibe
- Chase him, ladies, he's in the cavalry!
- The Non-palindromical Editrix in Germanium
- Old Sterne
- The briefs...
- ... and the brieflets
- The Purple Blog
- Blairville, lair of all that is wicked and perfidious
- The enticingly acronymical CSH
- EXTREEEEEEEME WYNTER!
- Mark of California
- Silent Speaking
- Lexicon the Mexican
- ► 2017 (40)
- ► 2016 (71)
- ► 2015 (106)
- ► 2014 (135)
- ► 2013 (173)
- ► 2012 (275)
- ► 2011 (261)
- ► 2010 (288)
- Sports I could get into
- Against the hill
- La la la la la la la la fa
- Penultimate post, in which a purchase is proposed
- Why men can't read maps, or drive, or do anything,...
- The reasoning for the seasoning
- The department of redefinition
- Santa's spreadsheet
- Factual, if not actual
- Thought for the day
- Various made-up synonyms for 'lying around on the ...
- Really literally actually secretive symbolic ciphe...
- Predictions of perdition
- Lame superheros
- Woof! Woof!
- All-purpose Christmas carol
- Absolutely right about everything, but otherwise o...
- Controversy corner
- Position for the position of...
- How to lose friends and unimpress people!
- ▼ December (20)
- ► 2008 (316)
- ► 2007 (392)
- ► 2006 (373)
- ► 2005 (287)