Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Predictions of perdition

I was listening to radio the other day, and some paper shuffler from some paper shuffling agency was taking a break from his paper shuffling in order to bang on about how great his state was. "Oh, this is fantastic," he said, "We've cut the predicted road toll right down from last year's predicted road toll!"

It's just such a tragedy when predicted people die as the result of a predicted road toll, after all. If only we had a reliable way of cutting back on the predictions in order to save all those predicted lives lost!

If you thought that this quaint concern about the predicted loss of lives was limited to just one person, you'd be quickly proved wrong. Look on the internet at all the horrible terrible disastrous definite disasters that global warming is predicted to maybe possibly in some potential future lead to. And the UK Met office has been making similar predictions.

Of course, if all these predictions were so devastatingly tragic as some people have been making them out to be, you might think the people making them were wilfully committing genocide. Instead of, you know, drawing attention to their pet cause or attempting to fill out column spaces in the local Dullsville Times.

Making paranoid prognostications about the future is a pretty pointless exercise, but in the future, it's predicted that this tragic prediction count will only increase.

Such a pity that all these predicted predictions won't come to pass because the entire human race will be wiped out at three pm tomorrow by a gigantic cyber toad from the other side of the galaxy who decides to eat our planet for his dinner, according to a prediction made by me, Tim Train, today. Predictable, isn't it?


Caz said...

Surely if everyone stopped predicting stuff, nothing would ever come to pass.

Other than the weather, of course, which does as it pleases (especially in Melbourne), regardless of who or how often we predict its ways.

Dan the VespaMan said...

I've heard the theory that the best way to control hearts and minds is to keep them in a constant state of fear. And when they're just about to emotionally collapse... sell 'em the cure.

Steve said...

Tim, did you see my post on unusual Japanese books on how to predict the future? I am particularly taken with the idea of a Hello Kitty tarot pack.

Maybe you would be more into telling your cats future by their paw pads? (I am sure there must be a Are You Being Served style joke easily make from that book too.)

TimT said...

Sounds like a pretty paw method of prediction to me...

TimT said...

Yeah, well, I don't see anybody getting frightened of my 'cosmic toad' prediction, Dan. I'm bloody appalled at the lack of fear and paranoia out there at this shocking prediction of future events.

Caz said...

I was momentarily amused & looking forward to cosmic toads Timmy. Does that count? I may have furrowed my brow.

Email: timhtrain - at -

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